The Last Secret of the Time Lords
by Dr.Dalek
Summary: Following after Dengirl's "Hollow Souls" we'll find the Doctor at his wits' end as time and space seem to lose their continuum and worlds collide, spawning an endless nightmare of terror and madness. May include M rated chapters but I'll make sure that you'll be warned. Including Master/Doctor and several other pairings.
1. Rude awakening

_**Author's Note:**_  
_I'd like to thank Dengirl for allowing me to make use of several of her characters from her Doctor Who fanfiction series_  
_(Check it out – you'll be amazed!)_  
_For better understanding I recommend reading Dengirl's "Hollow Souls" first; but it doesn't matter if you start reading right away._

_Anyway, if there are any questions or a lack of clarity don't hesitate to message me!_

* * *

There was light.  
Lights flashing, flashing lights; searching him.  
Always running, always running.  
Never stopping.  
Sirens.  
The sounds, the deafening music. The rhythm; the untearable substance of which madness is made.  
His innermost music; the sounds of his heart.  
The pain in his chest.  
The silence...

The noise inside of his head crashed abruptly.

Seska blinked several times before being able to focus on the ceiling.  
Around him it was quiet; it was almost dead silent.  
You could have said that calmness spread throughout the room; only it didn't.

The silence in here was something that made you uncomfortable, not calm. It hurt.  
And it had been silent for too long.

Seska was plagued by nightmares.  
There were terrible things recoiling and bubbling up inside of his skull.  
Though they were too horrible to be dreams they were too real to be true.  
And it bothered him that he couldn't remember sleeping.  
Only waking up...

The sound of porcelain crashing down on the floor caught his attention and he was up in an instant.  
The sounds indicated that someone had dropped a delicate mug; a tea cup, presumably. And, judging by the crestfallen complaints that followed, a valuable one, too.

It came... yes. It must have come from the kitchen.  
Seska opened the door slowly.  
At least, there had to be a kitchen. No, there _was_ a kitchen. He knew it without looking.  
After all this was his home... right?  
Of course. He was awake. And he was home.

Seska stretched and yawned before peering round the corner.

"Mother?"

The Doctor's face was already pale; now he even looked shaky.  
The teapot slipped out of his fingers and was about to face the same future its service mate had already experienced.  
Seska was as quick reacting as always as he darted forward, his hand lashing out and grabbing the pot at lightning speed.

He handed it back to the Doctor but the cheeky smile started to fade as soon as he saw the Doctor's horrified eyes.

"I've done it again, haven't I?" asked Seska disappointedly as he reconsidered his words. The Doctor was too shocked to reply.  
Seska sighed gloomily; he knelt down and picked up the smashed cup's little remains.  
"I apologize deeply for mentioning her; Heaven knows what assailed me" muttered Seska.

The Doctor placed his hands on his cheeks as though whipping something off them.  
He pressed his fingers against his lips before looking down at his son on the ground.  
He shook his head in silence.  
"I'm so sorry."

"No, I'm sorry father" added Seska quickly "It wasn't as if... I know she isn't... I..."

Seska shut his mouth before handing the Doctor the pitiful porcelain remnants.

"Ash won't be pleased about this after all" sighed the Doctor after inspecting the shards in his hands before throwing them away.

"I'm sorry" repeated Seska crestfallen.  
"You shouldn't be" the Doctor nearly cut him off and poured him a cup of tea; in a lower voice he added "Not your fault I'm a nervous wreck."

Seska nodded, his eyes fixed inevitably on the table.  
Somehow he knew that he was lying.

"I'll go and wake Jakaar."

-ΘΣ-

Hell.

Hell was thought to be a state of mind and not a place.  
At least on Gallifrey.

The Doctor clutched at his temples and groaned. His third biscuit had already drowned in his tea as he tended to lose focus on anything.

He stared at the brown and crumbly liquid; reluctantly he took a sip.  
And it's gone cold, too.  
The Doctor restrained the urge to let it dribble back and put the cup beside the piles of formulas towering in front of him.

The flickering light of the table lamp was driving him mad. And there were the headaches...  
The Doctor groaned with pain again.  
The never-ending headaches. It was driving him insane.

A stack of folders crashed on his table and the Doctor let out a quiet whine as the sound seemed to split his skull in two.

"A bad night's sleep?" asked Jack conversationally as he loomed in front of the Doctor's working table.

"I really wish you wouldn't do that" grumbled the Doctor as his eyes scanned the pages of an open folder attentively and made little notes.  
"Do what?" asked Jack.  
"Being conversationally" snapped the Doctor "And if this bloody headache won't go away...!" the Doctor clutched at his temples again and let out a frustrated cry.  
His skull wasn't aching; it was burning and itching as though millions of barbs were flowing through his brain, slowly spreading all over his body.

The Doctor drummed his fingers aggressively on the papers; Jack pulled a chair and sat down beside him.

"So... what do you do?" he asked cautiously.  
"Survive" growled the Doctor as he stared fixedly at his working table "That's enough for now."  
Jack gave him a gentle pat on the back.  
"I don't know how much longer you can survive on cold and cloudy tea" mocked Jack; "Why don't you get some rest."

The Doctor snorted disapprovingly.  
"Am I getting paid for working at Torchwood or just being decorative?" grouched the Doctor as he ushered Jack away from his desk.  
"Both" smiled Jack and leaned over to kiss him.  
"Stop that" interrupted the Doctor as he had already placed a threatening finger on the Doctor's lips.  
"That's sexual harassment at work."  
"No" disagreed Jack "_That's_ sexual harassment at work" and slapped the Doctor's buttocks.

The Doctor's jaw dropped and he stared at Jack with disbelieving eyes.  
Then he started laughing.  
"Really enjoying having you on the team."  
And soon he'd left the Doctor to his paperwork.

"Jack?"  
Jack looked back over his shoulder; the Doctor didn't face him but stared out of the window, thoughtfully eying up the strange grey clouds hovering over the landscape.  
"Jack you know that this _is_ reality... that this is real... right?"  
Jack shrugged without giving it much thought; eventually he nodded his assent.

"Then why is it so wrong?"

Jack owed him an apology.  
In the mean time another biscuit drowned.

-ΘΣ-

Seska's eyes lost focus and drifted off into the cheerless sky.  
That's what it had to be.  
Home.  
He had a home; and he couldn't remember it ever being different.  
This was his life. This was him, living with his father and his father's bedfellow.  
And yet Seske seemed to get dizzy when he dared to think about it... dared to think about the past...

He sighed aggrieved as his eyes failed to notice the car coming to a halt right in front of the house.  
Though, he was back in reality in an instant as soon as he'd heard the screeching noises of the brakes of the wine-red sports car that stopped only inches behind the parked car.

Seska darted a glance at both drivers before rolling his eyes and staring at the grey horizon, meaningfully sighing.

_Him_. It was _him_ again.

There was the sound of muffled curses and a car door slamming.  
"Oh for God's sake! Why don't you just go to hell?!"

Quietly tsk-tsking he closed the window to spare himself from Ash's constant ranting.

Car tyres squealed and the red sports car set off at a mad speed.

The front door was slammed shut and Seska rolled his eyes as James started to cry in his room; he fetched him instantly.  
"Oh bloody hell" mumbled Ash as he ascended the stairs, only to be greeted by Seskas cold smile at the end of the staircase.

"Not hell",  
Seska smiled as he kissed his brother's forehead,  
"It's only James."

-ΘΣ-

The Doctor groaned quietly, his head resting on the table beside the cold teapot.  
His head was a mess; in his mind pandemonium reigned and was about to make use of its executive decree powers.  
In other words: the Doctor didn't know since when he had a headache, when it had gotten so bad and why it was getting worse all the time.

He sighed as his hand reached automatically for a ball pen, scribbling on the desk itself for lack of anything else.

The Doctor didn't want to think about when it had started; neither did he want to investigate the whole affair of his son suddenly being alive again and being part of a strange patchwork family, living with him in a single family house.  
The Doctor snorted at the mere thought of what his life had become.

He'd used to be a free Time Lord; disengaged, on the loose, fancy-free.  
And now?  
Working for Torchwood; both him and Ash working for Torchwood to be able to afford a house for their children.  
The Doctor growled again as he felt the presence inside of his mind;  
...their children... Ha!

He grumbled quietly as his hand had stopped carving dark lines into the table.  
He needn't look at the circles worked into the wood; he already knew the words.

The Doctor let out a cry of frustration again as the invisible bench vice increase its pressure on his skull; life was a mess; it was even more a mess than when it had actually had _been_ a mess.  
It wasn't real. He knew it. He _felt_ it.

Something had happened to time and continuum; someone had tempered with the laws of time and space itself.

Through the open window he heard a car's hooter; he growled.

And he bloody well knew who was responsible.

-ΘΣ-

Ash leaned by the sink, his arms folded.  
"You shouldn't be doing this" he stated earnestly.

Seska didn't take his eyes off the cooking pot's jumping lid.  
"Father wants me to" replied Seska unimpressed; he stirred the pasty liquid.

"The Doctor never said anything about cooking" Ash went on and reached for a lid that had gotten out of place; but as he moved Seska had already put it back.

Speed and agility of a Time Lord, thought Ash bitterly; if only he knew...

"It is expected of me" Seska ceased the conversation, "whether he bothers to verbalize it or not. And it's beside the point that I don't mind it. I'm here for him; I care for him."

Ash evaded his gaze and still felt felt Seska's penetrating stare on his neck.  
He brought himself to something he believed to be a warm-hearted smile; but there was no sense in trying to fool Seska.

"I know that you take great responsibility for your father's actions" said Ash and hoped to thereby release the tension a bit "And therefore we're both very grateful. And I know that you're treating him with great respect and care, in fact, you're looking after both him and your brothers. But after all he's my partner and _your father_; you needn't do all this for him."

"He can't cook" stated Seska coldly as he nearly cut him off "And neither can you."  
"You've got a point there" agreed Ash for lack of anything better "But that doesn't necessarily mean that you have to do it."

Seska shrugged; his eyes rested once again on the stove.

"I just want mother to be proud of me."

He could have bitten off his own tongue.  
Seska didn't even flinch as he accidently reached for a jumping lid with his bare hands.  
Ash hissed in sympathy and rushed his fingers under cold water.

"It's alright" mumbled Seska crestfallen.  
"No it's not and keep it under the water!"

Seska watched his hand with a kind of childish fascination that made Ash feel uncomfortable; he turned off the stove.  
"You're lucky it's hardly burnt" said Ash, knowing that it had been far worse than it looked right now.  
But he'd already healed himself; without even noticing it.

"Why does it hurt?"

Ash stared at Seska with rising solicitousness. Did he...?  
"Why does it hurt?" repeated Seska, his hands pressed against his chest. "It hurts; it hurts when I try to think about it; I can't think about my mother because I know that it hurts. I can't even recall her face..."  
Ash had to admit that he was relieved knowing that Seska hadn't remembered.  
That's all he had been worrying for the past...  
He scratched his head as he came to think about it again; had it only been the first day? It seemed like an eternity. Like a daily routine.

And everything the Doctor worried about was: What if he remembers? What if he _knows_?

But apparently both Ash and the Doctor had been lucky and therefore would be able to keep playing perfect world for quite some time.

Though Ash didn't like the idea of Seska's agnosia as torment; it was wrong being brought back from the dead only to be tortured again.  
And secretly Ash had wished that the worst had been over as Seska had died...

"Do you remember her?" asked Seska quietly; he could hardly hide his desperation;  
"What was she like?"

Ash, who obviously couldn't cope with questions like that, sighed and shook his head.  
Everything about his question should have been corrected; but he didn't know if either he should start with 'was' or 'her'.

But it didn't matter anyway.  
As soon as Ash looked up again he found the space in front of him, previously occupied by Seska, empty.  
But somewhere inside of the living room Seska's words lingered like dense fog, unable to escape and yet too unreal to be heard.

"I may pick up Jakaar while I take James for a walk."

-ΘΣ-

The Doctor finished another pile of paper and leaned back in his chair. He yawned and stretched and was aware of the twitching of his uneasy fingers; they just wouldn't stop.

Another pile of file folders was placed in front of him; he moaned displeased and stared at Jack, annoyed by his constant smile.

His fingers itched.

Jack's gaze reached the desk and he stared in bewilderment at the circles and dots carved into the table in nearly every empty space.  
"Very impressive" he agreed eventually "and what does it mean?"

The Doctor growled as he sulkily leaned back in his chair.

"He Shall Return."

-ΘΣ-

[As darkness howled the earth stood still

To crush beneath the Time Lord's will

The Beloved's First was born to rise

And fair and beauty was his guise

But still there was so little time

To erase chaos' slaught'ring rime

And soon The Nightmare Child will rise

Beneath his hands the future lies]


	2. Life again

_Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews. Jill: I really hope I'm not going to get too dark for you; but I'll try._

_ and Ashena-Iulik: Don't hesitate to ask me anything and let me know if you're disagreeing with any of my ideas :)_

_Seska is about to meet the worst nightmare ever... a girl that is about his age._

_So much for the foreword._

* * *

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

Jack leaned on the Doctor's table with folded arms. The Doctor shrugged.  
"It means bloody well everything you want it to mean" he grumbled and picked up a piece of paper.  
"And your hand just keeps scribbling the same words over and over again, 'He shall return'?" Jack went on.  
The Doctor glared at him.  
"I feel it, Jack…" the Doctor growled; he tried to forget the terrible screams and shouting inside of his head. "I can sense him."

"Who is _he_?" asked Jack.  
The Doctor stared at him with a pair of icy-blue orbs.  
"It's him" he mumbled eventually as the colour of his eyes changed back to normal.  
"Him?" repeated Jack.  
"Yes him, the Master! I thought you were an ape and not some kind of bloody parrot!"  
"No need to shout" snapped Jack.  
The Doctor sighed and Jack heard the expected thudding noise as the Doctor's head hit the table.

"Something is wrong here, Jack" the Doctor lifted his head again and tapped his temples nervously.  
"Something is entirely wrong."  
"Like what?" asked Jack conversationally.  
"Like everything!" snapped the Doctor. "Don't you get it Jack? Your stupid simian brain must have worked it out by now: I'm here, safe and sound, I'm working for Torchwood, together with Ash with whom I'm living in a bloody normal house with bloody normal kids in a bloody normal street! Can't you see the obvious, Jack? Someone's tempering with reality, someone's changing everything!"

Jack stared the enraged Doctor in the face; eventually he looked aside.

"And Seska… he's…"  
Jack shifted a bit uneasy.  
"Aren't you happy?" he asked cautiously and took a step back as he received a warning growl from the Doctor; but he continued talking nonetheless. What should the Doctor do, kill him? That would only prolong the conversation unnecessarily.  
"Aren't you glad for having him back?"

"Glad?" spat the Doctor, "Do I _look glad_, Jack? I live in constant fear of losing him again. He died, Jack" he looked at him with pleading eyes "He died in my arms. And in the blink of an eye he's back, time rewound and jumped back into a different place."

Jack scratched his head. "Is this some kind of parallel universe?"  
"I don't think so, Jack" the Doctor shook his head "It's not another universe, it's altered. Someone tries to change it. Someone's working hard on shaping it in his own image."  
"He wants to redesign the universe?" Jack made further inquiries. The Doctor shrugged.  
He stood up and shuffled over to the window. The red sports car disappeared into the foggy streets.

"I don't know, Jack" admitted the Doctor and gave Jack a tired-out look "And I'm not sure if I want to find out."

Jack joined his side and gave him a consolatory pat on the back.

"What about the boys?"  
"It's best if they're staying with Ash and me" replied the Doctor instantly "And don't worry; they won't be bothering you."  
"I didn't..." began Jack but stopped as he felt the Doctor's penetrating stare in his neck.  
He sighed.  
"How are they...?"  
"They can't remember a thing" explained the Doctor coldly "It seems as if they have no memories at all. Only the wrong sensations that keeping sweeping over us; but they don't remember it being different."  
"And they believe to be human?" asked Jack.  
"They _are_ human" corrected the Doctor sharply.

Jack stopped short.

"How...?"  
The Doctor cut him off. "Chameleon Arch" he explained and added coldly "And yes Jack, it does hurt hearing your children cry like that."

Jack wanted to say something that would release the tension right now; sadly he couldn't think of anything.

"If you can't think of anything to say to me you could make yourself useful and bring me painkillers."  
Jack nodded absent-mindedly and headed for the door.  
"Anything without aspirin" shouted the Doctor after him as he collapsed back into his chair.  
He tapped his temples again.  
He was coming;  
the Master was definitely planning something and he was coming.  
Coming for him.

-ΘΣ-

Seska sat on a park bench, dutifully watching over Jakaar as he played with James.  
He was starting to get a headache, just like his father; maybe it run in the family.

Seska scratched his wrists, something, he remembered, he did every time he was nervous.  
Every time he closed his eyes he saw the images in front of him; smoke; destruction; death.  
Quickly he pressed a hand against his chest.  
The pain never stopped; the pain wouldn't go away; every beat of his heart hurt. As for his memories...

"You surely don't mind."  
Seska looked aside to find a young girl sitting beside him; he hadn't even heard her coming.  
He looked back and forth between her and his still playing brothers.  
Eventually he nodded.

"Brilliant" the girl chuckled and unpacked a round thing that looked closest to something that couldn't have decided if it had wanted to turn out as a pie or a pizza. Either way, it had failed.

"It tastes better than it looks" replied the girl as she noticed Seska's dismissive glare "Which isn't hard" she added bitterly and bit a piece out of the charred crust.  
Seska's eyes rested again on his brothers.  
"I'm Green" explained the girl "Green Hope."  
She cleaned her fingers on a neatly folded napkin she had brought with her and extended her hand.  
"Seska" replied Seska absent-minded. He looked down and touched her hand; she flinched.  
Green apologized in an instant.  
"I'm sorry" she mumbled "You're very cold. Colder than I had expected."  
Seska tried to ignore her comment; in fact he tried to ignore her at all; his gaze wandered over the calm surrounding again.

Green waved at James as he'd caught sight of her.  
"They are so cute" she smiled as Jakaar grasped James tightly as he tried to toddle over to her; "They belong to you, don't they?"  
Seska stared her in the eye; it would have been wrong saying to her that she was annoying; and besides it wouldn't even come close to what she actually was.

"Yes they pertain to me" explained Seska eventually and looked her over.  
The bright and merry expression vanished as she caught sight of Seska's eyes; she didn't even dare to blink. Seska turned his head aside.

"I'm sorry" Green mumbled "It's as if... do I...?"  
"No" added Seska instantly "I can't remember ever..."  
"But your eyes... you're so..."  
"I'm not familiar with someone who..."  
"You haven't got a...?"  
"No, I have no elder brother. Not anymore."  
"I'm terribly sorry to hear that" Green expressed her condolence.  
Seska hesitated.  
"How do you...?"  
"I just know" interrupted Seska in order to spare him from the girl's forthcoming questions concerning how he was able to read her thoughts.  
But it is so easy, thought Seska. As if there lead a tiny path into her mind... a piece of thread...

"You're amazing" concluded Green. As Seska seemed unimpressed she added:  
"Mind me asking you out on a date?"

Seska cocked an eyebrow at her; to his disgrace he felt himself blushing before her innocent stare.  
He couldn't even think of a reply.

"It's not asking too much, is it?" she begged, "Only you're looking so cute. I've been eyeing you up all the way since you picked up, what I assume is, your brother."  
"You're following perfect strangers?" asked Seska.  
"Only those who are attractive" added Green.

Seska looked aside.  
"Oh, come on" she kept on pleading "Just one date; and I'm paying for everything."  
"Paying?" repeated Seska. "I'm not...?"  
"Just say yes before I make things worse" begged Green.  
Seska nodded irritated. The girl made him feel uncomfortable; and worst of all: she somehow seemed familiar. He was used to her way of talking... as if he'd met her before...

Seska was relieved as she let him go as soon as he'd handed over his mobile number. He picked up James and ignored the mad waving girl, pretending that this had never happened.  
Seska hurried home, accompanied by Jakaar.  
Though he failed to notice that there was someone else following them...

-ΘΣ-

As Ash entered the room the Doctor was leaning by the kitchen window again.  
"Enjoying the view of grey nothingness in front of you?" asked Ash mockingly.  
"Nothing worth looking at around here" replied the Doctor, a small smile appearing on his face.

"No reason for being rude" countered Ash.  
"No reason for still being dressed" teased the Doctor and turned around, facing Ash. Ash smirked.  
The Doctor placed his hands around Ash's, in which he held a teacup. He dared a glance downwards.  
_His_ teacup.

"I didn't even hear you coming" Ash drew a sharp breath and sucked in the Doctor's beguiling scent "You never said that Time Lords belong to the feline creatures."  
"Oh, I bet you know already" growled the Doctor and pulled Ash nearer with a strength that you wouldn't have given his slim body credit for; he kissed his neck hard, hard enough to leave marks all over his skin.

Eventually the Doctor snatched the cup from Ash's fingers and finished it in an instant.  
"All this affection for a cup of tea?" asked Ash disappointed as the Doctor handed back the empty cup.  
"And hardly even worth it" added the Doctor "it was nearly empty anyway. And besides, it's my cup."

"It's the only one available right now" pointed out Ash and placed it on the table.  
"And Seska apologized for smashing it. I believe he didn't do it on purpose." Or at least I hope so, thought Ash bitterly.  
"He shouldn't have done that, that bloody brat" mumbled the Doctor.  
"What?" added the Doctor as he caught sight of Ash's appalled expression.  
Ash couldn't think of anything beside: "He's your son!"  
"Damn right" added the Doctor "and as long as I gave birth to him I bloody well call him whatever I bloody want."  
Ash shook his head sceptically.  
"You haven't had children, have you?" asked the Doctor.  
"No!"  
"Wasn't hard to guess, anyway" added the Doctor. "And Seska shouldn't have apologized to you. I broke your cup and I'm sorry. And I guess Seska needs a lesson in manners."  
"From me" added the Doctor as he looked Ash in the eye.  
"It's not even half a day and you've already turned into a single mother" mumbled Ash while he shook his head.  
"I know; I've regressed."

The Doctor sighed and flung his arms around Ash.  
"I don't have any more tea" sighed Ash "You've got to make it yourself; there's no sense in snuggling up against me."  
"You're warm" replied the Doctor in a muffled voice as he'd pressed his face against Ash's shoulder; he breathed out quietly before adding in a lower voice: "We need to talk."

Ash followed the Doctor into their bedroom; he had to admit that it was still hard for him to believe that this was real; or, at least, that it was actually right in front of him.  
"You know that it isn't real" pointed the Doctor our wearily.  
"Stop reading my thoughts" snapped Ash. The Doctor chuckled.  
He sat down on the bed, his legs crossed; Ash folded his arms.

"It's reality, the reality, the reality each of us realises. That doesn't mean that it's real, of course; it's just how things are right now."  
Ash nodded in silence.  
"So yes, Ash, we are living together in some kind of symbiosis to raise 'our' children in a house like two domestic animals in a kennel."  
"I would have said 'family' but, you know, whatever..." added Ash.

"I don't want this argument to get personal" pointed the Doctor out "You just need to know this; tempering with time and history is fine as long as it doesn't upset reality. Everything is in flux. But reality is old, Ash, very old. You could imagine it like an old elastic rubber band; one unmindful pull and it snaps back but into a wrong place; and overstretch it once and for all and the universe falls apart."

Ash digested it quietly.  
"So this _is_ reality" concluded Ash "but it shouldn't be."  
The Doctor nodded glumly. He scratched his head uneasily.  
"We both know who did it, don't we?" asked Ash as he sat down beside the Doctor.  
The Doctor snorted dismissively.

Ash placed his hands on the Doctor's; the Doctor shivered beneath their warmness.  
Ash watched him closely.  
"You've got a plan, haven't you?" he asked mildly.  
"Lots of plans" added the Doctor "starting with some minor changes here at home."  
"As long as this is my household there will be no alien technology, no dubious and job related gimmick as long as it's within the children's reach and, most important, no weapons."  
He stared accusingly into Ash's warm eyes.  
Ash shrugged.  
"I mean no weapons at all" repeated the Doctor "Nothing that can be used as a weapon."

Ash cocked an eyebrow at him.  
"Come on Ash, I know that you're armed. Even now you're having a gun in your pocket."  
Ash placed the small handgun into the Doctor's hands.  
"How did you know?"  
"I can smell metal" replied the Doctor mockingly.  
"Really?" repeated Ash unbelievingly.  
"What do you think I am, a Menoxeevock*? I know that you're armed, Ash. I know you better than you think..." he considered this again before adding "and better in this reality than in the real one."

Ash shrugged and sighed.  
"I just want you to be safe."  
"I am safe, Ash" explained the Doctor "As long as you're not armed."  
"Alright, alright" mumbled Ash; he added in a lower voice "But _he will be armed_."

The Doctor narrowed his eyes at him and Ash remembered that you couldn't take quiet enough for a Time Lord when you didn't want him to hear what you thought; anyway, he could even read your thoughts.  
"You're better than him, aren't you?" snapped the Doctor. Ash evaded his gaze.  
"Prove to me that you're better than him."

I already am, thought Ash; at least I'm not responsible for any of his children's deaths.

And Ash bit his lower lip as he realized that the Doctor was still reading his thoughts.

*The Menoxeevock (also known as the great germanium grinding grizzler, or, shorter, G4) is a complex species that specialised on sniffing out and digesting rare metals and metalloids; due to their abilities nearly every free-living specimen has been abducted from their home planet and been sold to an intergalactic construction company; they're enslaved (basically in the same way humans are enslaving pigs for hunting truffles)

-ΘΣ-

When Jack called the Doctor had just gotten comfortable in the big armchair in the living room.  
Grumpily he answered the phone.  
"What?" he hissed.  
"I'm sorry for calling you at home, Doctor" Jack began as the Doctor watched Seska ascending the stairs "but we need to talk."  
"Talk" repeated the Doctor as he was unwilling to take his eyes off his son.  
The rasping voice continued: "Doctor you know that I have great confidence in both you and Ash..."  
"To the point, Harkness" snapped the Doctor, still staring Seska, who had sat down beside him, in the face.

Something about his son was worrying him.  
Most of all it was his inability to read his mind and thoughts; he'd never had problems with that before; not as long as Seska had been a Time Lord.

Seska popped his head to one side as if listening to some inner voice.  
Now, if anything, Seska tried to read his thoughts.

"We need the TARDIS, Doctor. You've got to retrieve her."

The Doctor sighed as he ran his fingers over the arm chair's cover; he darted a side-way glance at Seska.  
"I can't" he replied crestfallen.

"But we need her help" insisted Jack

"I said I can't!" snapped the Doctor.  
Seska arose quietly and left the room.  
I didn't even had to order him, thought the Doctor; he just left on his own, as if he knew what I was thinking, as he if knew that this wasn't meant for his ears.

Jack, on the other end, sighed.  
"I know that you don't want to risk anything on the boys. And I have respect for your wishes. But it's urgent, Doctor. There's something coming."  
The Doctor leaned back, his nails scratching across the chair's cover. He was uneasy; he could feel it himself.  
"Recorded Rift activity?" asked the Doctor eventually.  
"It's not the Rift, Doctor" explained Jack, "There is something else, something new; I'd say it's a new Rift, but it doesn't seem strong or continuous enough. It's shifting and changing all the time; it's not even a real matter; it's just... redefining everything else."

The Doctor listened carefully, kick-starting his mind to join the slow race that was beginning to lead his mind; inside of his skull there was enough spare space to form a new universe.

"It's not overrunning everything else; it's as if everything else has been like this before. As if it's never been different."  
"It's rewriting history" hissed the Doctor "Something's changing the universe;" eventually he added in a lower voice "Or someone."

There was a long pause as the Doctor's mind rattled with ideas, mad enough to have originated from the Master's mind itself.  
Eventually, Jack dared to ask the question that had been banging inside his head for minutes to become vocalized.  
"What is it?"

"A gap in reality" thought the Doctor out loud. "And I bet it's spreading. How fast?"  
There was the sound of keyboard keys being ruthlessly pressed over and over again at a mad speed.  
"It started in the Square Mile thirteen hours ago" explained Jack eventually; "it's moving inconsistent... it' slowing down in the City of Westminster..."  
"Some histories are harder to digest" mumbled the Doctor as he rethought Jack's explanation "so it's not only consuming but bringing itself into being."  
"It has arrived in Lambeth and Southwark" Jack went on "Hackney is next."

"Which gives us, judging by the speed it's currently using to effuse, approximately 5 days until London is completely absorbed" concluded the Doctor.  
"The computer's calculations are ranging from 4 to 14 days."  
"Never try to compete with a Time Lord's brain" snarled the Doctor "You've lost before you started."  
"So Doctor" Jack terminated the Doctor's computation and omitted his remark tactfully "Your opinion?"

The Doctor hung up by smashing the phone against the wall.  
But Jack got his answer nonetheless.

-ΘΣ-

"We needn't take them with us" Ash pointed out after the Doctor had gathered his sons and slammed the car door behind them.  
"We can't leave them alone" disagreed the Doctor "They're not safe here."  
"Seska is old enough to..."

"I don't want to hear another word!" bellowed the Doctor as he lunged at Ash; Ash held his breath as he felt the Doctor's cold and determined finger's around his neck.

"Can't you hear it?" screamed the Doctor.  
Ash breathed in deeply as he tried to listen.

There was the distant sound of squealing tyres.  
"He's there, he's waiting for them; he's waiting for _me_. Can't you hear it? He's there. He's been following us; all the time he's been following us, even following the children on their way home!"

Ash let out a deep sigh as the Doctor let go off him; but he shouldn't have been relieves as he grabbed him by the shoulders immediately afterwards.

"These are my boys, they're all I've got left" the Doctor's eyes were both threatening and pleading "And I'm not going to leave them ever again."  
Or let them leave you, thought Ash bitterly as he tried to look through the tinted windows; he felt Seska's stare on his neck.

The Doctor smacked him instantly, demonstrating that he usually held back his strength not to hurt him; but not this time.

"Don't think that ever again" hissed the Doctor "They are my children and I'm not going to let anything happen to them. And if you're trying to stand in my way than I'm going to crush you like every other stupid ape; and don't you start treating me like a broken old man, just like bloody Harkness!"

Ash nodded obediently and met the Doctor's enraged stare; Ash's warm eyes seemed to have the desired effect as he managed to calm the Doctor down a bit.

"My sons are coming with us" stated the Doctor icily "They are safe as long as they are around me." Which, obviously, was a lie, both the Doctor and Ash knew; no one was ever safe around the Doctor.

"Alright" agreed Ash calmly; "Where are you taking them?"  
"Camden" replied the Doctor scarcely.  
Ash reconsidered this.  
As soon as he opened his mouth the Doctor snapped:  
"I know what I'm doing."  
"And the boys?" asked Ash "What are you going to tell them?"  
The Doctor owed him a proper reply.  
Nonetheless he said something that made Ash's heart beat faster.

"Get in the car."

-ΘΣ-

[Reality's light the children enthrals

Beneath their strength authority falls

And Mother's throne is overthrown,

The one who was Victorious,

By whom who's still Vainglorious

The Unnamed joined the alliance to rise

To see the world with his own eyes

The First of Many his plans compiled

Preparing the world for The Nightmare Child]


	3. The Hole is where the Heart should be

**_Author's Note:_**

_Long chapter ahead. The Doctor not only encounters the Master but has to make a decision._

_A decision he knows he'll regret..._

_And by the way: If anyone's fed up with me trying to write poems at the end of each chapter just let me know! I can handle criticism._

* * *

Stopping at the car park hadn't been a good idea.  
Except in Ash's opinion.  
He was quite fond of the idea of the Doctor pulling up the car; he had to admit that the Doctor's driving skills were even worse than his TARDIS-flying.

But the Doctor should have chosen his parking place more wisely.  
He realized that as soon as he saw the whine-red sports car coming to a halt beside his own car.  
He growled.  
And the Doctor was hardly surprised as he heard a dark Jeep's brakes screeching.

"Stay in the car."  
The Doctor's hand lashed out as Ash thought about opening the door.  
"You're staying here; that's an order."

Ash rolled his eyes.  
"No need for talking militant all of a sudden."  
"Don't tell me that you don't like it" retorted the Doctor and bit back a smile.  
"Not under those circumstances, no" disagreed Ash.  
"Just listen how you're talking in front of the children" nagged the Doctor.  
"You were the one acting like Company Sergeant Major, that's no way talking to them either!"

They exchanged glances, regarded the children in the rear-view mirror and glared at each other.

In the meantime Jack stood beside the sports car's opening car door.  
The Doctor gritted his teeth.

"Why is Jack such a bloody idiot" grumbled the Doctor as he looked back and forth between his sons and the open car door.  
Eventually he closed his eyes and breathed in deeply before ordering: "Don't stare at them. And stay in the car."  
The Doctor recognized a hint of anger in Seska's eyes before their glances parted.

"That's not gonna help" mumbled Ash.  
"I didn't call Jack for help" snapped the Doctor quietly "And if being shot in the face by a maniac doesn't teach him a lesson than it will at least buy me some time."  
Ash looked him in the darkening eyes.  
"Just when did you become so cruel?" he asked eventually.  
"I was born cruel" stated the Doctor; he added with a smile: "That's why you married me."  
Ash chuckled, shortly afterwards stating:  
"We're not married."  
"In this reality we are, I'm afraid so" sighed the Doctor as he evaded the Master's penetrating stare in his neck.  
"That's just wrong" concluded Ash "It shouldn't be allowed for someone like us two."  
Eventually they both chuckled.

"If only he could stop staring at me" mumbled the Doctor as he concentrated on not looking back; tinted windows weren't that much a help against a Time Lord's stare, he figured.  
"I guess he wants you to come out" thought Ash out loud.  
"And talk to him? Has he gone insane?"  
"Apparently he has" added Ash.  
The Doctor growled.  
"Shut up Ash."

Ash watched the Master unmoved as he pointed the gun at Jack's head.  
There was quiet silence before Ash opened the door and, wordlessly, left the car.  
And the Doctor was horrified to find him joining Seska's side.

-ΘΣ-

So that's what a madman's face looks from close up, was the first thought that rushed through Seska's mind.

Seska closed the door silently, his back pressed against the car.  
He watched the Master with hatred-filled eyes.  
"Stop this" he hissed as the Master met his stare "Just leave him alone."

The Master smiled at his son's fearful command; human minds were even easier to read.  
"Shame on your Mother for turning you into something valueless" chuckled the Master "But don't worry; I'm gonna make you as good as new; or just loom another one if it's irreversible."

Seska growled as he stared him in the eye.  
It hurt. But how could this madman's stare hurt? And why didn't the pain in his chest ever stop?

"Don't listen to the mad man" thought Seska out loud "He's full of lies."  
The Master laughed as he moved his hand forward, unexpectedly smashing the gun, he was till now pointing at Harkness, against his skull.  
Jack slumped down motionless.  
"I'm the only one telling you the truth" snapped the Master as he approached Seska.  
The car door beside Seska opened and ejected Ash, who grabbed him by the sleeve.  
"Get back in the car!"

The Master laughed as he pointed his gun at Ash.  
"Oh, the paramour wants to talk to me; can't your lord and master shoo you back to bed and talk to me in person?"

"Why can't you just go?"  
Seska's helpless screaming seemed to have the desired effect on the Master at first; at least he seemed interested.  
"Please, just stop this! Stop tantalizing my father and leave for God's sake! I beg you to leave, please, just leave us alone! You're driving us mad!"

Words failed Seska. He just stared at the gun as the Master decided on pointing it at him.  
He retorted his death-glare expertly and repeated: "Please leave."

The Master breathed in deeply.  
"Haven't I told you anything?" he asked accusingly.  
Seska closed his eyes as he realized once again that he was talking to a mad man.  
He bit his lower lip and repeated: "Please leave."  
The Master smacked him across the face, forcing tears into his eyes.  
Seska growled.

"You never ask. You never beg. You just _do_."

And Seska felt his heart accelerating as the mad man's words made his skull hurt.

Before he could even scream he was shoved back into the car, before it got locked.

-ΘΣ-

The Master was roughly slammed against his car before two knees pinned him down on the engine bonnet.

"Finally" the Master drew a hurting breath and smiled in the enraged Doctor's face.  
That didn't stop the Doctor from repeatedly smashing his head against the metal that was slowly giving way.

"If I see you one more time near my children I'm gonna rip you into pieces, do you hear me?!"

The Master couldn't stop laughing.  
The Doctor forced his elbow down on the Master's chest with a force that would probably have squashed a human's ribcage; unfortunately it hadn't much effect on the Master.

"How dare you point a weapon at him? How dare you?!"  
The Master's laughter had changed into a quiet chuckle.  
"That's not funny" yelled the Doctor "If you ever try to kill our children ever again I'm going to kill you and make sure that you stay dead!"

"These are not my children" snapped the Master all of a sudden; "We didn't raise apes."  
"Don't you dare talk about them like that!" screamed the Doctor as he lunged at him again.  
The Master stayed silent until the Doctor had worked his head halfway into what had used to be the car's engine bonnet.  
"Finished?" he asked quietly from somewhere in between the dented metal.  
"Get out of my sight" ordered the Doctor breathless "I want you to leave this place and never come back."  
The Master arose; his vertebras were cracking as he stretched a bit.  
"That's not going to happen" smiled the Master "And you know it."  
"Of course I know it" snapped the Doctor "Because you're the Unstoppable Madness!"  
The Master shrugged.

"You just tried to kill Seska" snarled the Doctor.  
The Master rolled his eyes. "How rude. Do you really think I would have killed him after bringing him back? Or who do you think did this?"

The Doctor waited in silence as he slowly tried to digest it.  
"You're coming with me" the Master said soothingly "And as soon as we're reunited I'm gonna let you in on a secret."  
"I can't trust you" replied the Doctor without thinking.  
"I know" the Master smiled viciously "You never did."  
"And I'm not coming with you."

The Master stared him deeply in the eye.  
"Take the children with you and join me" repeated the Master, more urgently this time.  
"I'm not discussing it" the Doctor folded his arms.  
"Neither am I" snapped the Master.

He could see in the Doctor eyes... something. But it wasn't his Victorious. No, his beloved Victorious wouldn't come back.  
The Master growled.  
Oh, the Doctor could be so uptight.

"You don't order me around; I'm not your vile wench casting your children" snarled the Doctor.  
"Come with me" demanded the Master; his eyes softened a bit as he caught sight of the Doctor's determined stare: "That's my last offer."  
"I'm not your whore" snapped the Doctor.  
"No" replied the Master "But _his_."

With a speed and agility only a Time Lord can posses he picked up Jack and flung him at the Doctor, who stepped aside, causing Jack to smash into his car's side.  
He glared at the Master.  
"And again you keep scaring my children" growled the Doctor.  
The Master ignored his distracting comment: "Come with me."  
Eventually he added: "...and no one has to suffer."  
The Doctor folded his arms.  
"...for long..." the Master added again.

"I don't care how many you may kill or what continents you're going to rip apart" the Doctor stated firmly "I'm not going to join forces with you ever again. And if you're wise then you're trying to stay out of my sight."

The Master pulled himself up to his full height. He glared at the Doctor and watched him in silence.

"You're going to regret that..." "Make me regret it" the Doctor cut him off.  
The Master nodded.

"Fine."

The Master got into the car and darted one last glance at the Doctor.  
"And don't come crying to me."  
The Doctor glared at him.

And something in his stare indicated that there was nothing worse than a hurt Master.

-ΘΣ-

Seska watched over his younger brothers as they strolled through the British Museum. His father had left them with Ash and gone off as he had to retrieve something he'd given as a loan.

Seska darted a sideway glance at Ash.  
Ash hadn't talked since the Doctor had stopped screaming at him after the argument with the mad man.  
And even before that Seska had been surprised at how little help Ash actually was.  
He hadn't even defended his father; he hadn't even been able to help him.  
Well, he hadn't been of much help either, as he'd stepped out of the car (and the Doctor had already carpeted him for his action; unnecessarily harsh, actually, for his taste);  
but at least _he'd tried_ to be of help.

It wasn't as if Seska minded his father being with another man; he minded him being with Ash.  
Something about Ash made him aggressive... as if something was wrong and never stopped fretting him...

"You don't have to carry James around all the time" said Ash in a voice he believed to be comforting and assuring.  
"I don't mind it" replied Seska as he tried not to look him in the eye "And thank you for your concern."  
Ash placed a hand on his shoulder. Seska rolled his eyes in silence.

Body contact.  
That meant that Ash needed to make a point.

"Seska, you needn't talk to me like that" stated Ash calmly "and neither do you have to take responsibility for your brothers."  
Seska narrowed his eyes on him: "And whose concern are they if not mine?"

Ash opened his mouth and shut it again.  
Seska's stare reminded him so much of the Doctor; more precisely of the Doctor's side he couldn't handle.  
Seska turned on his heel and followed Jakaar, who he'd never lose sight of.

He hated treating Ash like that.  
No, he assured himself, hate was a strong word. He didn't like treating him like that.  
But at the same time he felt that he deserved it.  
He needn't know why.

-ΘΣ-

"Traces?" asked Jack.  
The Doctor shook his head.  
"Analysis?"  
"Inconclusive" replied the Doctor. He scratched his chin nervously.  
"As if he'd never started..." he mumbled absent-minded.

Jack shifted uneasy.  
"The curator will be back in a few minutes."  
"That's not a big help" snapped the Doctor as his fingers moved over the TARDIS' consoles.  
"I'm sorry" replied Jack.

The Doctor smashed his fists on some metal parts and kicked the console.  
"Why, why, why, why can't you help me?!"

Jack let out a sigh as he watched the Doctor running his fingers through his hair.  
A Doctor at his wit's end was never a good sign.

"So" Jack tried to pick up the conversation again "What can we do?"  
The Doctor growled and gave the console another kick.  
"I don't know" he replied eventually. He wiped his face and pressed his fingers against his temples.  
"I don't know, I don't know" he mumbled over again; "I don't know what he's planning."

"We can deal with him later" Jack tried to appease him; "But what shall we do against the spreading... thing?"  
The Doctor sighed, his fingers moving over the console again.  
His eyes scanned the monitor and he smashed his hand down on the keyboard again.

"It's not working like that!" yelled the Doctor "That's impossible!"  
Jack was about to open his mouth again as he felt the vibration spreading throughout the TARDIS.  
Was she... yelling too?

"And don't give me that!" screamed the Doctor "I don't care! And I can't stop it and I won't help him and I don't know!"  
The Doctor kicked the console until he'd receive a mild electric shock.  
He stepped back and glared at the ceiling.  
"Stop it" he hissed "Stop it or I'll deactivate you."  
"Doctor..." Jack tried to calm him down.  
"She won't help, Jack" replied the Doctor, fixedly staring at the ceiling "Why won't she help me?"

"Maybe she can't?" suggested Jack.  
"Maybe she doesn't want to because she's forgotten who's in charge" yelled the Doctor at the ceiling again.

"I don't know who is madder right now" pointed out Jack "You, talking to a machine, or you, trying to convince her that you're right."  
"Stow it!" snapped the Doctor. He listened for a moment.  
"Is she...?" Jack got cut off by the Doctor who pressed his index finger against his lips:  
"Keep quiet. Listen!"

Both of them listened with arising tenseness.  
Eventually Jack spoke his thoughts: "These are feet. Small feet."  
The Doctor nodded; he looked back and forth between the keyboard and the monitor.  
Jack listened a while longer as the Doctor was already deeply buried in his thoughts again.

"Doctor, are you having mice in here again?" asked Jack.  
"No mice in the TARDIS" stated the Doctor as he worked on the keyboard. He paused for a moment: "Well...not anymore, well, not on this floor, well, perhaps not at all..."  
He scratched his head.  
"I wonder if that ever happened... I mean, in this reality..."

Jack stared at the Doctor, unsure if he'd lost his mind or if he'd never possessed one.  
"Rats?" he tried eventually.  
"No rodents and if you don't quit talking already no apes, either" snapped the Doctor.  
"One just left through the gap in the door."  
The Doctor turned around in annoyance.  
"It's not..."  
He fell silent and stared at the vanishing ball of fur; his eyes reflected pure terror.

"Maybe it took up a residence while the TARDIS stood abandoned in the museum" Jack tried to calm him down.  
"That was no rat" replied the Doctor, slowly turning pale "That was my Paneopal Puffy*."  
"You said it was a sleeper and never woke up" countered Jack.

Jack turned around and found that the Doctor had left the TARDIS already; faster than this rat actually.

*'Paneopal Puffy' from Gallifreyan 'papal' meaning something like 'small thing' and 'puffy'... well, some words are intergalactic... This living machine, in the shape of a furry rat, was a sleeper created as a secret weapon during the Time War; unfortunately their only potential lay in sleeping.  
The Master gave the unknowing Doctor one as a gift; secretly hoping to thereby blow up his TARDIS once and for all.

-ΘΣ-

Ash leaned in the door frame, his eyes swivelling from Seska to the TARDIS.  
He cursed the Doctor for being so insensitive; he'd warned him many times.  
What if he remembers?, he'd said, What then?  
But the Doctor hadn't listened to him.  
And Ash had to admit that he didn't like the look in Seska's eyes with which he regarded the phone box attentively.

Seska felt him staring at him and glared back.

As Jakaar approached the box he got pulled back by Ash instantly.  
Seska reached for Ash's hand and freed his brother from his grip; Ash hadn't even seen Seska's hand lashing out as he'd already felt the twinge.  
"Don't be harsh on him" snapped Seska, pulling Jakaar towards him protectively.  
"He's not allowed to touch it" replied Ash, cursing under his breath as the pain in his wrist spread.  
"If it belongs to my father than he shall have it at his command" Seska glared at him.  
Ash sighed. He knew where this was going.  
"As long as he's not around I'm responsible for you."  
"You're not top dog" hissed Seska and Ash bit back a rather tasteless remark he considered inappropriate for his younger brothers.

"Just stop it, alright?" Ash tried to appease him. He pulled Jakaar towards him and apologized, carefully stroking his back.  
Seska rolled his eyes as his attention was once again drawn to the box.

He hadn't known that his father owned one of those relics of darker times for the telecommunications industry. And neither did he know why Ash made a fuss about bringing him here. As if there was something he shouldn't see...

But what could that be? Apart from the dust...  
He heard a quiet squeaking sound and looked down on the door.  
And rats.  
Seska jumped back as the speedy animal scurried past. Unfortunately thereby he'd woken James, who'd been asleep in his arms.

Ash became impatient as he refused to hand him over.  
"I can take care of him" replied Seska, visibly annoyed.  
"You're not his mother, so stop acting like that!" snapped Ash and snatched James from his hands.  
Seska glared at him.

Ash deterred Jakkar from wandering off while his attempts to calm down James remained unsuccessful.  
As he turned around Seska was gone.

-ΘΣ-

Everything around him had become a blur.  
Nothing but a greenish-purple blur.  
Sparks were popping up in front of his eyes and Seska stopped as he was afraid to both lose orientation and consciousness.

He couldn't even name it. It was just...

Fear.  
Seska breathed in deeply as he supported his skinny weight on something that looked, judging by his blurred vision, the closest to a door.  
He was afraid, he was so afraid. He felt as if he couldn't hear anything. And yet...

He turned around, ready to start screaming if the face ever came into vision again.  
The mad man's face. He'd faced the mad man.  
And he could have died.

He could hear him. Footsteps. Behind him, always behind him.  
He was back. He'd come back to finish what he'd started.  
The mad man had come back and he wanted to claim him, claim his life...

Seska shivered all over, slowly slumping to the ground.  
He drew a few sharp breaths as his lungs started to hurt again; his chest always hurt.  
It felt as if it would crack any moment now, shattering him in splinters.  
There was a hole. An empty spot.  
He could sense it. He could _feel _it.

A strange realization crept over him;  
If... yes... he... he must have died.  
The mad man had shot him; only he couldn't remember. And what he saw in front of him were nothing but the last tragic convulsions of his disrupted brain, shielding him from reality.  
Seska's vision began to fade as he panicked; he felt tears forming in his eyes, he heard himself begging and praying that he wouldn't die, not now, not here, not all alone...

He crawled over the floor, helplessly searching for something to hold on to.

And he let out a scared yelp as he was forcefully pulled up.

-ΘΣ-

"What's wrong with him?"  
"It's alright, it's nothing. Get back to the car, we'll be with you in a minute."  
"Is he... hurt?"  
"No, don't worry about him, Jakaar. And now go with Ash, I'll be right there."

Seska jolted in the Doctor's arms as his eyes snapped open; his terrified stare failed to meet the Doctor's comforting gaze.  
"Your pupils look blown; it's all to do with the shock, don't worry about it."  
The Doctor's voice still sounded distant but Seska nodded his assent.  
"Deep breaths" mumbled the Doctor as Seska gasped for air "Slow and deep breaths."

As soon as Seska could have looked his father in the eye he evaded his gaze.  
He felt himself blushing as a wave of heat rushed through him.  
The Doctor supported him as he helped him back onto his feet.

"Look at me" insisted the Doctor "Please look at me Seska."  
Seska shook his head.  
The Doctor embraced him tenderly.  
"You've experienced fear and helplessness; you've endured your first shock and I promise you that it's over now. Look at me, Seska."  
Seska buried his nails in the Doctor's back.  
The Doctor let out a long drawn-out sigh.

"It's never going to happen ever again.  
I promise.  
I know that you're brave; and you were braver than you should have been. You stood up for Jack and covered your brother's eyes from the sight of your father fighting his worst nightmare..." the Doctor couldn't bite back a growl as he thought about the actions he was forced to make today "But Seska... it's normal that you're scared. It's only human."

Seska looked the Doctor in the eye, his tears welling up uncontrollably.

"Then why does it hurt?" asked Seska all of a sudden.  
The Doctor observed him closely.  
He knew about the pain in Seska's chest; he'd already experienced it himself...

"Mother, I'm scared!" sobbed Seska, burying his face in the Doctor's chest.  
"I'm so scared!"

-ΘΣ-

[To nothing the Eternal Flame will conform

Instead he must fight the Oncoming Storm

As lover's they started, as foes they will part

With nothing but hatred and loath in each heart]


	4. Madness awaits

_Author's Note:_

_As the Doctor approaches the cause of the universe's disturbance Seska finds himself struggling with human nature..._

* * *

"Morning Doc."

The Doctor scowled at Jack as he entered the office. Ash was sitting at the Doctor's desk, working on his papers as the Doctor regarded the window thoughtfully.

Jack handed the Doctor some file folders, which the Doctor placed down on front of Ash without giving it much thought.  
Ash groaned quietly.

"Everything allright?" asked Jack.  
Both Ash and the Doctor retorted a death-glare; they agreed that one thing that definitely united them was their hate for Jack's conversationality.  
The Doctor was the first to reply:  
"Reassess what you've just said and try again."  
Then some of the papers flew towards Jack.

Jack sighed and weighed up his chances on both of them; eventually he concluded that Ash was the one who wouldn't try to rip off his face; at least not as soon as he'd open his mouth.  
But the Doctor was probably the one who knew more... he definitely knew more than he gave away. And he'd definitely not told Ash, no... they weren't that close... at least not right now...

Well, in the worst case the Doctor would shoot him; and he'd be back in a minute or so.

"Can I have a word with you in private?" asked Jack.  
The Doctor had his hands on his neck even before he could have opened his mouth again.

"You're getting on my nerves Harkness" hissed the Doctor "First you want my TARDIS stored in one of your Weevil-cages..." "It's our high-security safe and it's for your own convenience" replied Jack while struggling for air; the Doctor didn't even seem to take any notice  
"...and after putting my family in danger you're expecting me to be relaxed and calm. Well, I'm not calm Jack! And right now I see no reason why I shouldn't tear the skin off your face strip by strip..."

"Because he will be back in a minute" replied Ash without taking his eyes off the papers.  
Jack smiled at him sarcastically.  
"Thanks Ash."

The Doctor's penetrating stare seemed to dig its way into Jack's skull; eventually Jack gave in.  
"I'm sorry and I'll shut up now" he mumbled eventually.  
The Doctor's piercing eyes became numb.  
He growled and spat something in his own language before joining Ash's side again.

"All I want you to know is that I'm not trying to keep you away from your TARDIS" added Jack as oppressive silence was about to spread throughout the room "If you want to take her with you..."  
"I _can't_ take her with me" interrupted the Doctor and met Jack's gaze once more.  
Automatically Jack took a step back.

"I can't bring her home as long as my children are there" explained the Doctor; "And in case you're interested the headache is getting worse again. So if one of your idiotic bedfellows would like to make little notes about it..."

"It's alright" Ash tried to calm the Doctor and started stroking his back tenderly.  
To Jack's surprise this actually seemed to have an effect on him.

"There's no reason for getting upset; Jack just wanted to make clear that it is your TARDIS after all and that you're the only one in charge concerning what to do with her; and he won't certainly try to run tests on her because he knows that this would be violation of your trust."

"A human being from the fifty-first century doesn't even know the meaning of the word 'violation'... right, Jack?"  
Jack was in mid-sentence "I never had...!" as the Doctor cut him off by using one word.  
"Italy."

Silence spread as Ash glared at the Doctor who folded his arms while growling at Jack.

Ash sighed and arose to let the Doctor take his seat again; then he leaned closer and whispered into the Doctor's ear: "And by the way: I'm not his bedfellow and you may shoot me before I become one of Harkness' sex-toys."

-ΘΣ-

Seska was only waiting five minutes; and already he hated it.  
Weird and bad habit of his father, some may have said... or used to say... he couldn't remember.  
Uneasily he scratched his wrists.

True, he'd never been going out with a girl before; at least as far as he could remember.  
But maybe it wasn't the date that bothered him but _with whom_ he had the date.

And he was already dreading the minute when the girl would walk into the small cafe where he was forced to wait for her.  
Thinking of the girl who'd had possesses the impertinence to call him and ask him out on a date...

Seska looked back and forth between the table and the door.  
He knew that it wasn't too late to make an attempt to escape; and yet he didn't even know what he was thinking.  
But something about that girl made him feel... uneasy.

Seska didn't even understand it himself. How could she, as a simple female human being, make him feel insecure?  
Maybe it was the realisation that he knew nothing about girls. Nothing at all.  
It was days like this, he concluded, where he regretted not having a sister anymore...

Apparently the other costumers didn't take much notice as Seska doubled over in pain, his head having an unpleasant meeting the table in front of him.  
The prickling pain that had started at his temples shot through his skull like a thunderbolt, melting his thoughts into an unserviceable lump of mind.  
Seska groaned, slowly raising his head again.

He found two cups being placed in front of him.

"I apologize for the inconvenience" hissed Seska through gritted teeth "but I didn't order..."

His gaze had reached the stranger's face by now; he found himself looking into a pair of golden brown eyes.

"This shouldn't have happened."

-ΘΣ-

Once more the Doctor turned his attention to Jack.  
"You better not run a scan on my ship; she's very thin-skinned and I can't promise you that she'll leave this place in one piece if you try to play any tricks on her. Old ladies are very sensitive, you know."

To the Doctor's disappointment Jack himself wasn't sensitive enough to feel that the Doctor would have wanted to have a word with Ash in private.  
But knowing that he was only an employee he got accustomed to the idea of displaying his feelings in public; so he pushed Ash down into his chair again and, due to the lack of available seats, sat in his lap.

Ash stroked the Doctor's back while the Doctor made little notes on papers; he darted a sideway glance at Jack and decided on speaking quietly:  
"So... what is he up to?"  
"Are we talking about Jack or _him_?" asked the Doctor.  
"_Him_" replied Ash.  
"Too bad" added the Doctor "Jack would be a lot easier."

Both the Doctor and Ash watched Jack making calls, notes and rearranging the shelves.

"He's not really working, is he?" asked Ash after a while.  
The Doctor shook his head: "Only eavesdropping."

"So... what is _he_ up to?" Ash repeated his question in a lower voice, not to draw Jack's attention towards him.  
"I don't know" mumbled the Doctor; and all he could do was repeating his reply as he felt that a more imaginative answer was expected of him.

Eventually he waved a hand wearily.

"He keeps sending me messages via the Psychic Paper; I don't even know why he does it."  
"What kind of messages?" asked Ash as if clinging to the last straw he saw right now.  
The Doctor opened his wallet.

Ash regarded it thoughtfully.  
"I thought it might change when you looked at it a while longer..." he mumbled, eventually adding "Shouldn't it change when you let someone else have a look at it?"  
The Doctor shrugged.

"And what does it say?" Ash went on.  
The Doctor cocked an accusing eyebrow at him:  
"I thought you could decipher any language."  
"Normally I can" snapped Ash, helplessly trying to defend himself; he inspected the message again.  
"Is this the Master's handwriting...? It's... well, it's terrible penmanship..."  
The Doctor nudged him in the ribs.

"But shouldn't... at least your TARDIS should translate it... shouldn't she?" added Ash.  
The Doctor gave the paper another inquisitive look.

"Apparently the TARDIS has lost her power... at least over this..."  
His gaze reached further down to find rest on the table.

"Jack?"

Jack turned around, tossing the file folders aside.  
"What does is say?" asked the Doctor, running a finger over the carved wood.  
"He Shall Return..." replied Jack but got cut off by the Doctor, firmly enquiring:  
"Does it read: 'He Shall Return'?"

Jack stared at the table; eventually he shrugged.  
"Still looks like a bunch of circles to me."

"And apparently" the Doctor breathed out deeply while he considered this again "they've changed."

"Changed?" repeated Jack. The Doctor rolled his eyes.  
"So the TARDIS has stopped translating" summarised Ash.  
"Take a look at the carved writing, will you Ash?" prompted the Doctor; "You should be used to my handwriting by now."  
Ash regarded the signs thoughtfully, slowly writing the circles and lines from the table into the air.  
He concentrated hard on memorizing the glyphs and dots he'd seen before...

Lastly he raised his eyebrows at the Doctor.  
"Does this...?"  
"Yes" interrupted the Doctor "and you'd do me a favour by not saying it out loud."  
Ash stared back at the table.  
"...but how? How is this possible?"

"Apparently" interposed Jack "the Master has mastered the ability to change reality."  
The Doctor glared at him.

"He's not changing reality!" snapped the Doctor "He's meddling with causality and reliance; he's tearing logic apart by ripping momentum out of the universe's natural elements and letting it snap back into a wrong place! And he never masters anything he just fakes everything!"

Jack had fallen silent as Ash tried to calm him down once more.  
But there was no stopping the Doctor this time.

"And you keep your hands off me" snapped the Doctor and smacked him in the face "And don't try to bridle my emotions, you can't control me!"  
"I'm not..." Ash began but broke up abruptly as he felt the Doctor reaching into his mind and shattering his current thoughts by thrashing them around in his skull.

"Next time it's your memories" growled the Doctor as he walked past a speechless Jack.

-ΘΣ-

Seska's mouth had dropped; and sadly his mind was unable to produce the right words for this situation.  
He could have gone well with 'My apologies; Have we met?' to make it sound less accusing; but instead he just said:

"Do I know you?"

The stranger had taken the available seat beside him even before Seska could have protested.  
An unpleasant cold encircled the stranger; and it seemed to be spreading slowly.

Seska tried not to stare at him on purpose; though it wasn't easy.

Take his clothes, for instance.

Seska didn't mind people with a rather strange taste for fashion; but the man beside him was a wearing a toga; you couldn't describe it in other words.  
Or maybe with one: Sheet.  
And it came to his mind that they hadn't been en vogue for about... well, at least 2000 years.

"I apologize for the inconvenience this may cause" stated the stranger in a mild and almost warming voice, "I'm here to help."

Seska took no refusal to not answering his questions.

"Who are you?"

The stranger's eyes swivelled sideways; he regarded the door nearly as thoughtful as Seska.  
"I have many names" he explained after a while "In fact I have no name at all. And you may call me what you like. But believe me, I'm here to help."

Seska shifted a bit uneasy.  
The stranger didn't seem to draw anyone's attention. But why? Couldn't they see him? Why wouldn't they take any notice of a man dressed in a purple sheet? Was London this open-minded?  
Seska sighed quietly.  
Well, he doubted it.

"Thank you for your concern" replied Seska after eyeing him up closely "But I..."  
Seska stopped as he felt the stranger's fingers gripping his hands and tightening around them. He looked up to meet his earnest gaze.

"It's my duty and responsibility" declared the stranger "While I appreciate you making decisions on your... father's behalf, you shouldn't forget who you are."  
"Do you know my father?" asked Seska sceptically, convinced that either way his father never would have mentioned him anyway; "Have you two met?"

Seska heard him sighing crestfallen. The substantial coldness seemed to deliquesce like fog around him.  
"He may not remember me..." replied the stranger, speaking in a tone that caused Seska's chest to hurt even more "We were disunited too soon."

Seska breathed in deeply.

Alright. Whoever was sitting right next to him knew how to temper with other people's minds.  
And the way he talked... he didn't like admitting that he scared him.

"I know" added the stranger to his thoughts "I know how it feels. And I must say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the disturbances in your life." He leaned closer again; "But I'm not the cause."  
Seska stared at him wide-eyed.  
"How can you tell what...?"  
"Let's just say we share the same talent for reading other people's minds" replied the stranger with a mild smile on his lips; "But I beg you to trust me, Seska, if that's not asking too much."

Seska nodded absent-minded, his eyes moving over to the door again; not even in his wildest dreams he would have hoped that the girl he dreaded would finally arrive.

"Do you trust me, Seska?" the stranger broached the subject again.  
Seska breathed in deeply, making a decision at last.  
He looked him in the eye pleadingly: "Please... just go away... I don't even know you... Please..."  
The stranger sighed; then he arose.

Without a word he was just gone, disappearing into the grey outside world as he'd stepped through the door.  
No-one had seemed to notice him; no-one had cared.  
Seska stared at the cup in front of him. It was cold. The stranger's coldness was still lingering in the air.  
And no one had wondered about him...

"Sorry, I'm late!"  
The hurried girl's voice was a highly welcomed alternative to the stranger's absurd talking.  
Seska sighed and smiled at Green who occupied the empty seat beside him.  
"I didn't mean to be late... let's just say I was delayed, alright?"  
Seska nodded half-heartedly, his thoughts still struggling with the strange encounter he'd just had.

Green leaned forward, her elbow nudging his; as Seska seemed unresponsive she rested her head on his shoulder.  
"Did you just see that nutter? He was in here, wasn't he... you know, the one wearing a sheet...Did you see him?"  
Seska turned his head around to face Green closer than he'd expected.  
Well, he thought, at least she's noticed him. Maybe the weird ones are more normal than the others...

Green smiled, beaming with delight. Seska felt that something about her smiling like this made him feel uncomfortable; but most of all he was scared of the responses his body gave him...  
He tried to look away, his hand accidently touching hers; Green grasped his fingers and squeezed them tightly.  
Something about her soft and warm hands was disturbing; at least it seemed to disturb his heart.  
Its rhythm had changed; and why was it so hard for him to concentrate on what she was saying?

"Would you like to?" Green repeated her question.  
Seska nodded, lost in thought, before shaking his head again.  
"My apologies" he began, one hand clutching at his temples "Would you be so kind as to repeat what you've just said?"  
Green smiled charmingly.  
"I love the way you talk to me" she smirked and leaned closer, brushing her face against his neck.

Seska drew a sharp breath and tried to move his hand between his skin and her face, ending with a cuddly girl nuzzling his hand.  
"I talk with everyone like this"  
He didn't like the feeling of blood rushing down into his pelvic area; neither did he like the ideas the libidinous part of his mind was suggesting.

"I love it" Green went on; Seska nodded uneasily.

Something strange arose inside of him... something new...  
A feeling of ambition; a craving for possession; an anxiety to please her...

Seska breathed in deeply and quietly hummed to himself, helplessly trying to drown out the perverted propositions his mind offered.  
As indisposition and unpleasantness yielded curiosity he felt his hands reaching for the exposed spot across her collarbones, tenderly stroking the warm and soft flesh.  
(Well, in fact, there were more spots exposed right now than just her collarbones; however Seska's good breeding wouldn't allow this kind of indecent behaviour.)  
Green purred quietly and she leaned back, her head brushing against his shoulders.

Seska didn't know what kind of feelings she evoked inside of him.  
But he enjoyed them nonetheless.

Eventually Green would straighten up again and turn around.  
Seska faced her with a strange calmness.  
She searched his gaze, tentatively scanning in order to evaluate his next move. She had to admit she didn't like his eyes; they made her nervous.  
She grabbed his hands and moved them further down her chest to divert his probing stare from her eyes.  
Seska stared at her penetratingly; (which was the only way in which this word could be used in a bad way, at least in her opinion)

It was the coldness of his eyes that scared her; his eyes were warm.  
They seemed to burn with unbridled power.

However Seska closed his eyes in delight as he felt Green's breasts underneath his fingers.  
And Green congratulated herself once more on knowing exactly how to distract a man.  
However she felt that the tension was still building up.  
So she leaned back a bit further and breathed in deeply:  
"A good moment for asking you out on a second date, right?"

Seska stared her in the eye unabashed.  
The he sealed her lips with a kiss.  
Green wrapped her arms around his neck and moved against his lips; he enjoyed Seska in his current state of _arousal_.

_Mind_ wouldn't have been appropriate, she figured.

-ΘΣ-

The Doctor ran his fingers through his hair, a displeased grunt coming from his lips.

"Why won't you help?!"

The TARDIS didn't seem flattered; neither did she seem pleased with her pilot's current state of mind.  
She dreaded the awakening madness that would soon bear fruit.

"Answer me!" demanded the Doctor "Where is _he_?"

All he received was a uncertain vibration that was transmitted throughout the ground.  
"For any God's sake answer me you bloody old tart!"

The vibration stopped; and so did the humming.  
The Doctor panted heavily as his skull started to hurt again; in fact it was feeling as if it would split in two any second now.

"I... I'm..." the Doctor breathed in deeply and tried to avoid thinking about the possible cause of the headaches he was experiencing.  
He'd been warned about this.  
Back in his days at the Academy he'd been warned.  
Alongside Koschei.

With a scream of rage the Doctor brought down his fists on the keyboard and controller.  
He didn't even budge as he received an electric shock.

"I'm in pain..." the Doctor gasped for air "and I beg you, do you hear me, I beg you... please... help me...!"

A quiet buzzing sound arose from a distant floor.

"I didn't mean calling you a t... a tart... I just..."  
the Doctor panted slightly as he managed to get into an upright position again.  
"I need your help. It feels like dying... only worse... please... help me..."

The TARDIS response was as well uncertain as reluctant.

The Doctor sighed as he run his finger through his hair.

"You know him; we both know him. By Borusa's beard, tell me... where is he?"

The response was unambiguous.

The Doctor breathed out and sucked in the TARDIS cool air.  
She would succumb... she wouldn't abandon him after all...

The Doctor felt his mind searching. He felt his thoughts racing as he reached out... as he tried to touch the golden shimmer that lingered in his thoughts... always with him... never leaving

The Doctor felt the touch.

He held his breath.

"Eresh'ala*."

-ΘΣ-

[The Beloved's First in a mad world awoke

The more he saw the less he spoke

The more he listened the more he knew

Each night he watches over you]

* * *

Eresh'ala = Doctor


	5. NOTE

NOTE:

I'd like to apologize for the lack of updates.  
Sadly it has been a hell of a month.

Due to my poor state of health I'm unable to write anything at the moment;  
but hopefully the next updates will follow late march / early april.

Thanks to all of you who are still taking interest in my stories. Words cannot express how much it means to me :)

thanks again


	6. Alone in the Darkness

_Author's Note:_  
_Small update. I'm really looking forward to writing more of it soon _  
_(At least I can finally sit again. Hooray!)_  
_And happy easter to all of you who are celebrating it!_

* * *

Seska felt kind of embarrassed as he walked beside Green. He didn't know why; and he wasn't sure if you were supposed to feel embarrassed by a girl's presence. Or some anatomical parts that he felt the urge to look at...  
Inevitably he blushed.

"So?"  
Green picked up the conversation again after accompanying Seska silently for some minutes.  
"So what?" retorted Seska without giving it much thought; he was fully occupied with trying to ignore his fledgling drives.  
"So far you haven't answered my questions" explained Green politely.

Seska stopped and faced her distractedly.  
It was rather hard to concentrate for him with his libido continuing to shout rather obscene suggestions.  
He smiled irritated: "I beg your pardon?"  
Green smirked at him. And Seska knew that he couldn't blush anymore because it felt as if every drop of his blood had rushed down into his pelvic area.

"Would you like to go out on second date with me?" asked Green charmingly.

Seska had dreaded the question.  
Before some (till now hardly used anatomical part) had done the thinking for him and spared him giving her an answer. But he came to the realization that kissing her couldn't always be the solution.

"Look" Green grabbed his arm and smiled; she was trying to take a short cut "No bonds and no obligations; all I'm asking for is another chance to prove that I'm worth it."

"Worth what?" snapped Seska.

"Worth the effort" smiled Green.  
Seska considered this.  
Eventually he sighed.

"You're a curious girl" he concluded "With a curious name."

'Same to you' thought Green and gave Seska an offended glare when she felt him reading her mind.  
She rolled her eyes.

Silence filled the space between them as they walked quietly; until a question tore it apart:

"Have you heard of a girl called 'Rose'?"

For a second Seska seemed stunned;  
Something at the back of his head started to tingle; violet afterimages flashed in front of his eyes.  
And the name... _her_ name... _Rose_...  
But his immobility vanished as suddenly as it had occurred, in the blink of an eye.  
As soon as Seska had come around he gave Green a scrutinizing glare; he shook his head.  
"No, should I?"

Green sighed; she grasped his hand and squeezed it tenderly.  
"You're thinking too much. Never mind, I'll try again... What does 'Rose' mean to you?"  
"I assume it to be a girl's name" replied Seska coldly.  
"Well, 'Rose' is both a colour and a name" ended Green the explanation of her name's origin.  
"And a gracious flower" added Seska.

"Alright" Green cut him off; she gave him a death-glare for destroying her analogy.  
"'Seska' isn't by any chance a city's name?" asked Green gloatingly.  
"Not as far as I'm concerned" replied Seska quick as a shot.  
"Well, you know... some parents think it's hilarious to name their offspring after their procreation's location" explained Green bitterly.  
"Green isn't a city's name, is it?" asked Seska.  
Green shook her head.  
"My mother was easily lost; and all she remembers of the night was some greenery..."

Seska's face froze as he tried to digest what he'd just heard.  
"I'm sorry" added Green hurriedly "I talk too much."

What was so fascinating about her?  
Was it her unrestrained persistency?  
Was she... attractive?  
Seska shrugged. He couldn't quite put the finger on it; though his libido actually had some ideas and was only waiting to disabuse him.

In the end Seska gave in.  
"Alright", he concluded.  
Green smiled and hugged him out of sheer delight.  
His heart picked up the pace as he felt Green's breasts pressing against his chest.

"You won't regret it", promised Green; she leaned a bit closer and whispered "The three-dates-rule doesn't apply to me."  
"Neither does it to me" replied Seska;  
"In fact I don't even know the meaning of it" he added in a lower voice.

Green laughed frolicsomely.  
"Tomorrow night, then?"

-ΘΣ-

"Ni'ala."

The TARDIS hummed nervously as the Doctor clenched his fists.

"What an informal greeting" thundered the Master's voice inside of his skull and vibrated through his bones, "No time to stand on ceremony, have we? Well, in fact we have all the time in the world; even the universe, in fact. And you know why?"

The Doctor growled.  
When his hated Master had been his beloved Koschei... when everything had been alright, when everyone had been alive instead of dead and locked in the universes infinity... back then he had known the answer; and in his mind the words resonated:  
"Because we're Time Lords."

The Doctor snarled as he felt the Master's frisky chuckle.

"And the fact that we couldn't meddle with time on Gallifrey from being late for lessons because we had all the time of the universe..."  
The Doctor grumbled under his breath.  
"My dear Theta..."  
The Doctor bit back a snarl and cut him off.  
"What do you want?"  
The Doctor listened quietly as the Master was pathetic enough to clear his throat inside of his head to gain his full attention.

"What I want is to speak to your reasonable side because that's something you haven't been in a long time – reasonable."  
"I've never seen this clear in my whole life ever before" retorted the Doctor.  
"You... and those pathetic human beings..." the Master cleared his throat once more "I wonder why I keep bothering you after all..."  
"Because it's one of the things you're best at" snarled the Doctor on behalf of the Master's sane side; "Because you're never satisfied until you've broken and crushed me; you're not really happy until you've stomped me into the ground and built up my confidence again by screwing up my mind and putting it together in the wrong order.  
Do you hear me 'Master'? And listen carefully for that's the last time I'll ever use that stupid name of yours ever again! No more Oncoming Storm, no Time Lord Victorious, no Obsidian or whatever perverted names you've given my shattered souls! Saviour this moment!"

The Doctor's voice roared as the TARDIS around him tried to drown out his terribly resonating voice by producing quiet swoshing noises, which normally would have calmed him.

"Master. Never. Never again. I'm going to be yours!"

There was dead silence. By the sound of it the Master was either stunned to death or simply bored.  
Eventually the Doctor added: "Now if you'd be so kind as to leave my mind..."  
There was nothing; nothing but an itching feeling at the back of his neck.

The Doctor rolled his eyes.  
"Please..." he added after a while.  
"Don't beg at my feet" growled the Master throughout the Doctor's body.  
With a deep sigh he added: "I would have wished you'd have come to your senses by now. But que sera sera; so, instead of ruling the world by my side I shall now rule over you..."

"You can't control me" replied the Doctor with a nasty grin, "You never mastered the technique of dominating other people's minds."  
"You're filthy mind isn't worth it" snapped the Master.  
The Doctor couldn't bite back a smile.  
"And as long as you're sympathizing with those mammal friends of yours you shall be treated like one of them. That's what you want, isn't it? Becoming an underdeveloped primitive life form; born to serve."

"Whatever you say" replied the Doctor.  
"The next time I enter you it shall be by force."  
"Don't flatter yourself" sighed the Doctor "and quit talking like an idiot."  
"Don't be so rude" replied the Master "You're forgetting yourself. You keep losing track of time, don't you? You're not up to date anymore..."

The Doctor snarled quietly as he concentrated hard on cutting off the Master.  
"Mark my words, self-called ruler" the Doctor thought, "Never again."

"Never _equals_ again" corrected the Master.  
"Whatever" concluded the Doctor and felt the persistent itching at the bottom of his neck disappearing.

After taking a deep breath he swung open the TARDIS' doors to greet a stunned Jack with a broad smile.

"Fancy seeing you Jack. What date is it?"

-ΘΣ-

"That's three weeks so far."  
The Doctor put down the cup as he rustled through his paperwork again; Jack and Ash exchanged glances.  
"Three weeks since a severe but barely appreciable distortion hit London," mumbled the Doctor, mostly to himself.  
Jack cleared his throat while Ash continued to stare at his feet.

"Doctor?"

The Doctor's piercing glare was locked on Jack. "Yes, Jack?"

"What does that mean?"

"Trouble" replied the Doctor and shuffled through the papers again.


	7. Changes

_Auhtor's Note: Sorry for the delay! In exchange there's a rather long chapter for you. Enjoy!_

* * *

James was tucked in and Seska had made sure that he was already fast asleep as he sat down on the table in his brother's room, staring out into the great dark world that lay before him.  
The window was open a crack and he was sure he hardly even noticed the sounds of the night.

Neither the sounds of an accelerating sports cart called attention to him; nor the sound of the humans living around him in general.

Seska hissed and clutched at his temples as the buzzing noise increased.  
Humans... why would he even think like that? Wasn't he human after all?  
He drew in a sharp breath and tried to concentrate on the dark shapes on the outside, secretly wishing to drown out the hurting sounds.

By the time Seska stood beside the cot James was gurgling in his sleep.  
Seska sighed quietly in order not to wake his brother.

He moved over to the spot where he'd sat down before; it was cold by now.

Time.  
He seemed to have lost his sense of time. The universe passed him by without being ever noticed.  
Time didn't pass for Seska; he could feel it.  
He couldn't hear the quiet hissing of Infinity's sand as it poured down in its hourglass, wresting innumerable seconds from humanity.

And it was driving him insane.  
In the blink of an eye an hour could have passed as well as a microsecond.  
He didn't _feel_ it.  
It...

Seska's fingers drummed quietly on the windowsill.  
Most of the time he didn't even know what was happening to him.  
But he'd heard at least that was _human_.

He hissed at the inrushing pain and scolded himself.  
Whenever he dared to think those... thoughts, those little flashing sparkles of... ideas... he couldn't even label it, couldn't even call them anything just...  
Small lights flashing. And sounds. Noises that haunted him in his nightmares.  
And whenever he wasn't paying attention he'd stumble over one of them.  
And they put pictures in his head... and made his world an endless sea of fear...  
Thinking that he wasn't... just wasn't what he thought to be...

And he'd try to shrug it off, those flashing lightning inside of his head, those barriers that stopped his brain from encountering thoughts that would probably fry it within a minute.  
He assumed it to be normal.  
And he tried convincing himself into actually believing it.

So, he corrected himself:  
_Normal_. Never knowing what was going on was accepted normal.

At least, he added mentally, it happened to his father all the time.  
And after all he was _human_, wasn't he?  
Of course he was. He could only be human.  
Any other species would be ashamed of him.

James had turned in his sleep and Seska cursed himself for already standing beside his bed before his brain had even given the command "move".  
But nevertheless, at least he was quick...

James had been woken but not as it seemed due to Seska's presence (Seska had the suspicion that James did feel his presence sometimes) but by someone else's.  
Something moved among the sheets and as Seska had grabbed the blanket James's hand had already lashed out, proving that his reaction time was probably even better than his brother's.

His small fingers closed around the furry ball in his hand.  
It gave a faint squeak.

Seska moved closer, his forehead in wrinkles.

"A rat?"

-ΘΣ-

Jack stared down at the wriggly diagrams and sketches the Doctor had produced.  
"So this is some kind of..." Jack drummed his fingers on the desk as he tried to digest what had just been explained to him,  
"So... time is in some kind of... relapse?

"It's rewritten" groaned the Doctor, his elbows resting on the table while his hands clutched at his forehead "Really, Jack, I don't know what's making this headache worse: the destruction of the space-time continuum or your stupidity."

The Doctor moaned as he pulled himself upright again only to collapse back into his chair.  
"Dear Defective Dalek, why are you stupid apes so thick?"

"Have you listened to yourself recently?" snapped Jack "All you do is complaining and carpeting others, you even deliberately blew a fuses in your husband's head..."

The Doctor growled at the word "husband" but Jack went on unimpressed

"...you're a growling and moaning nightmare, Doctor, you make our lives a living hell and I'm the only one daring to say this because I'm sure you still haven't figured out how to kill me."

The Doctor darted a death-glare at Jack; as a precaution Jack moved back .  
"_Properly_ killing, is what I meant to say..."

The Doctor snarled and closed his eyes; Jack hardly even noticed the tremor spreading through the Doctor's body.

"A living hell?" he repeated with a level voice.  
Jack hesitated "Well, not technically, just a..."

"Do you want to know about hell?"

Jack looked up into the Doctor's face. Apparently the Doctor had managed to pick him up by his collar and lift him several inches off the ground. He was staring into to gleaming orbs of icy blue fire where his eyes had used to be.

"A living hell, Jack? I can tell you about it... I've been through it time and again and again in my life! You don't even want to know what you're talking about. Do you know what pain is, Jack? Do you really want to know? It's not like dying and taking a breath of fresh air again with your lungs still feeling a bit stiff.  
You don't know what pain is, Jack, because you always die before it hasn't even started.

No, hell is knowing that you won't die, that the pain and the endless torture of life never ends, that you're outliving each of them, every single of your beloved ones; hell is knowing that you're doomed to fail, that you're doomed to disappoint others, that you won't ever be able to save them.

I don't even know how many kids I've outlived or even how many of them didn't even make it to their first birthday. I've stopped counting, Jack. Because hell is knowing how many beloved ones you have lost. And a nightmare is trying to forget it all."

There was a hissing noise from the TARDIS and then the opposite of sound; a deafness you could have cut with a knife.  
The Doctor lowered Jack down to his seat again and held his breath as the blue shimmer in his eyes disappeared.

"Hell..." he mumbled quietly before shaking his head.

Jack panted, his heart picking up the pace again as the sounds of the world around them seemed to rush in again.  
"I'm not even going to ask you what that just was."

"This" said the Doctor quietly "_could_ have been a relapse."

Jack folded his arms, aware that the Doctor was back to normal again.  
"But you just said..."

"Time can't have a relapse, Jack" explained the Doctor; he spoke with a heart-warming kindness Jack had started to miss.

"Time can only be rewritten and altered - in both directions. You can't change the past without changing the future. But what most don't know is that you can't even change the future without changing the past. The universe is all a matter of... proper balance."

He smiled mildly at Jack:  
"As for the relapse: it was nothing but a microcosmic disturbance augmenting while resonating in the macrocosm and eventually culminating in individual parts of the mesocosm. In other words you've just made the acquaintance of another part of me during its attempted escape."

"Escape?" mouthed Jack disbelievingly before saying "I'm not even going to ask whom or what you're referring to. But whatever it is: Where can it escape to?"

"Oh, it's not even a proper personality, not anymore. You see Jack, as you grow older you encounter so many selfs of yourself, you know, the adorable childhood self, the rebellious teenage self and so on... and each of them is neither forgotten nor lost, it's just stored somewhere safe and sound inside your head. And due to the time collisions the world is currently experiencing some of my former personalities may try to break through..."

"And where can they escape to?" repeated Jack.  
"There's no escaping to, there's just escaping from. And you can imagine it as some kind of giant commode with not one drawer that isn't stuck."

Jack looked disbelieving at the Doctor who retorted a weak smile.

"All a matter of balance and counterbalance, Jack. You see, I keep those tiny personalities locked away while my current self is in constant struggle to maintain its position.  
And it's the same with the universe."

Jack sighed. He knew that there was some hard-to-believe-but-I'm-a-Time-Lord,-I-know-about-these-kind-of-things explanation ahead.

"So this is one of your former... regenerations?" said Jack.  
"Well, kind of... well, not really... well,..."  
"It's part of your personality" Jack tried again.  
"Exactly" replied the Doctor "and it all belongs to me. In the same way as this reality belongs to the universe. But the point is: it doesn't belong here and now; it shouldn't be there, and we shouldn't be living in it and this conversation shouldn't have happened. Do you get it now, Jack? This reality probably shouldn't even exist..."

"Is it like talking to your former regenerations?" asked Jack, who couldn't get his head around the idea that he was actually dealing with a conglomeration of Time Lords stuffed together in only one body.  
"Jack, you've got a one-track mind" hissed the Doctor.  
Jack cracked a smile: "Then this reality isn't too different from the one we all know."

The Doctor stared at him for a moment. Jack could have sworn that his eyes were changing colour several times before they went with a deep hazel tone. And eventually the Doctor smiled.

"So, what will you do?"  
Jack had followed the Doctor into Torchwood's hub and helped him into his coat.  
"Trying to stop him" said the Doctor.  
Jack sighed.  
"Could you try to be more specific?" he asked pleadingly.  
"There's nothing more specific than stopping him" replied the Doctor "That's all I need to do."  
"Yeah, but how?" Jack went on.  
"First, I need to find out what the Master is planning. There's no sense in trying to mess up plans if your don't know what plan has been planned, right?" explained the Doctor, all of a sudden in a good temper. But that was probably a different personality speaking.  
Jack didn't care about it. As long as the Doctor kept a straight face (and hopefully _his_ face) it was fine by him.

"Any instructions?" asked Jack wearily.  
"Possibly... as soon as I'm back" said the Doctor as the giant cogwheel-shaped door moved aside and he stepped through it.  
Jack hurried after him: "Where are you going?"  
"Ash is going to pick me up. Probably dinner and a movie afterwards. Or just dinner." The Doctor wrapped a shawl around his neck.

"Why?" asked Jack.  
The Doctor sighed. "It's a routine, Jack. In this universe it's a routine, I can feel those things. We do that every... Tuesday?"  
"It's Thursday" said Jack and put his hands akimbo.  
"Whatever" replied the Doctor.  
"At least you're enjoying your marriage" said Jack, with a smile on his face, though the Doctor didn't fail to notice the hidden accusation.  
"Oh, I get it" chuckled the Doctor "Different dimension, alternate reality and you're jealous because I married Ash and not you."  
Jack was still smiling and shook his head.

The Doctor had wished him a good night before disappearing; and Jack had kept on smiling.  
He was, in fact, still smiling after the hub had fallen silent again.  
Aggrieved, he was smiling to himself.  
Eventually he found a dubious bottle, labelled in an alien language with a warning that this polish was highly corrosive, and poured it down like water.

And he tried to forget how much the Doctor's words had hurt.

-ΘΣ-

The door to James' room got pushed open noisily as Ash entered.  
"I'm going to pick up your father from work..."  
"And you're going to treat to him to dinner and you should be glad that James was already awake otherwise you would have senselessly disturbed his sleep" completed Seska coldly, cradling James in his arms.  
Ash stared at him for a moment before asking more quietly:  
"I'll take James if this is alright with you."  
"You don't have to" Seska nearly cut him off; his tone of voice held a sharpness you could have cut ice with "I shall look after him."

Ash sighed.  
"Seska, you don't have to look after your brother all the time."  
"Father wants me to" retorted Seska in an instant, tilting his head a bit to the side "And you're going to arrive late."

Ash sighed again, this time unable to hide both his concern and his bafflement, and rushed down the stairs.  
Seska sighed as James jolted in his arms at the sound of the front door slamming.

"And now..." Seska put James back into his cot "let's take a look at this little intruder, shan't we?"  
Seska carefully lifted the oddly shaped blanket inside of James' cot, revealing a furry ball trapped underneath a small laundry basket.

Seska had been carrying it while stashing the laundry; and apparently it had been more than useful to trap the small animal.  
Seska had decided that Ash needn't know about this. Or just anything that happened to James.  
He felt somewhat responsible for his little brother; in fact, he felt that he was responsible for both of his brothers. With his father being regularly absent-minded and his spouse...

Seska sighed as he tried not to think about Ash. Or his father being with Ash.  
Somehow it didn't seem right. Something about the two of them being together seemed fundamentally wrong.  
But Seska assumed his feelings for Ash to be completely normal. Step-parents were probably supposed to be treated as doormats.

There was a squeak.  
Seska stared at his brother who had lifted the basket with one hand and was pressing down hard on the small furry creature with the other hand.  
"Be careful, don't hurt it."

James had grabbed the squirming creature with both hands, twisting and squeezing it this way and that way and keeping it out of Seska's reach with an agility that actually impressed him.  
Still, Seska managed to place a hand on his brother's small fingers.  
"Let go off it. Don't do that" he said firmly.

There was a cracking sound.  
James was strong. Stronger than Seska had given him credit for. He'd managed to twist the furry ball's back so hard its head had snapped off.  
Seska carefully removed the pitiful creature from James' hands. He stroked it absent-minded, the conviction that his constant inattention had lead to the rat's death gnawing on his conscience.

Seska patted the small legs, apparently the creature's six small legs and nearly winced as they gave a jerk.  
He dropped the small creature, which righted itself, turned its head and let it snap back into its previous position.  
James gurgled and reached for the creature again.

Seska watched with fascination as James squeezed and bounced the small rat-shaped animal around; the thing wasn't putting up any resistance and didn't seemed impressed by being held upside down by its tail or even being smashed against a wall.

It didn't seem to harm it at all.

Eventually, the little thing yawned quietly, giving the first sound so far, and curled up into a ball.  
Seska carefully picked it up, ignoring his protesting brother.

As he listened closely to its breathing he could have sworn that he heard the sounds of thousands of cogwheels turning.

He swayed it in its hands.  
Furry, indulgent and nearly indestructible:  
The thing seemed to be the perfect toy. At least for his brother.

James kept whining until Seska returned the small and fluffy creature; he snuggled it and lay down, his big eyes still staring at the amazing animal in fascination.  
Seska caressed his little brother until he'd eventually fall asleep, promising as he left the room:

"That's gonna remain our little secret."

-ΘΣ-

An old bell was ringing as Green left the small grocer's shop. Lost in thought, as she always was, she dropped her paper bag, sending the freshly bought red apples rolling across the square.  
She sighed and blamed herself for her own clumsiness as she picked up an apple; as she lifted her gaze a young boy was holding them out to her.  
She smiled as she met the boy's childish smirk; but her face froze as she realized that he was dressed in a bed sheet.  
The boy dropped the apples into her bag before being scolded for dashing away by his mother; who was also dressed in what looked like a sheet.

Green arose slowly, tried not to stare at the two figures that disappeared among the crowd in the same way as both the mother and his son tried not to gape at her.

Green turned on her heel and ran.  
Later on, after she had slammed the door shut in her little flat she couldn't recall what had scared her.  
Maybe it was because of the others, the other sheet wearers who managed to mingle inconspicuously with the crowd.  
Maybe it was because of the strange silence that had fallen upon the streets that seemed to be deafening.

Or, maybe, it was because the little red souvenir phone box that had been standing over her fireplace for more than three years was apparently labelled 'NOVA AUGUSTA TRINOBANTIUM'.  
Which was strange.

Because she could have sworn that it had been labelled 'London' until today.

-ΘΣ-

[May father guide you through your dreams

Of golden threads and silver streams

Of times unknown and future's past

And wars that may forever last...]


	8. Madness keeping us afloat

**Author's Note: Guess what? Another chapter! Please leave a comment if you enjoyed it (or if you didn't. Eitherway I'd love to hear your opinions!)**

* * *

The morning seemed grey with thick fog clustering around every corner of the streets.  
Ash touched the Doctor's hand gingerly.  
"Are you still asleep?" Ash asked softly.  
The Doctor's eyes snapped open.

"Thought so" Ash spoke quietly "You breathe differently when you sleep."  
"I _do not_ sleep" hissed the Doctor, wide awake and out of the bedroom within seconds. Ash followed him into the bathroom.

"Apparently you do" he replied "At least in this part of the universe."  
The Doctor ignored him, stepping into the shower.  
Ash had followed the Doctor and groaned as the Doctor tried to push him out of the shower again.  
"Remind me, why did we get married again?" he said in a low voice.  
"We didn't" retorted the Doctor glumly "We're just aspects in reality's disfavour. And keep your hands of me; my body went all tingly last night and it hasn't yet decided if it wants to come back."

Ash smiled mildly. He grabbed the Doctor from behind, fondly kissing the Doctor's neck.

The Doctor rubbed his temples; the headache was getting worse. Again. He wouldn't have believed that it could get any worse but apparently it did.

"Ouch."  
The Doctor flinched, shoving Ash aside and pressing his back against the tilled wall.  
"The water's too hot" he growled,  
"Ten years marriage in this reality and you still can't get the water temperature right. What kind of a husband are you?"  
Ash shut off the supply, owing him a reply.  
"A Time Lord's body is cooler than average human's body" mumbled the Doctor while Ash mouthed the words.

"Sorry" mumbled Ash "I didn't mean to hurt you."  
The Doctor grabbed his wrists furiously, squeezing them until Ash would give a small yelp. There was a displeasing cracking sound.  
The Doctor let go. "Neither did I."  
Ahs rubbed some life back into his wrists.  
"That's just the trouble with you human beings" the Doctor went on, his back turned to Ash "You break so easily. But I tend to forget that..."

Ash shook his head, repeatedly wincing while he palpated his wrists.  
"I don't understand you."  
"...same to you" mumbled the Doctor barely audible.  
Ash rolled his eyes, pulling the Doctor closer.  
"I really don't understand you. Why don't you try to make the best of it?"

The Doctor sighed. The constant humming in his head was driving him insane. The feeling... no, there was lightning repeatedly rushing through his veins...  
He just didn't seem to get his head around it at all.  
He clutched at his temples.  
And it felt as if someone tried to do that just now...

"Please Doctor."  
The Doctor turned around, facing a surprisingly earnest Ash.  
"All I'm asking you for is to give it a try" whispered Ash. The Doctor was about to sigh as Ash sealed his lips with a kiss.

"And now get ready for work."

-ΘΣ-

"Another sighting at Croydon and two at Thornton Heath, sir" Ianto explained while placing the depicted sheets on Jack's desk, "and the latest readings from the TARDIS."  
"Thanks Ianto" Jack mumbled while sipping his tea. Out of the corner of his eyes he noticed the Doctor staring at him.  
Jack's eyes scanned the papers thoughtfully. Then he lifted his gaze, determinedly looking at the Doctor who kept avoiding his gaze.

"Anything the matter?" he asked naively open-minded as always. The Doctor growled under his breath.  
Jack's eyes were drawn back to the diagrams and coordinates and he barely smiled as he heard the Doctor's careful words: "May I?"

Jack arose and handed him the sheets, watching the furiously reading Doctor thoughtfully; and he didn't fail to notice Ash's stare in his neck...  
"No, no, no, no..." whispered the Doctor and grabbed a pen while rerouting the signs and positions of the coordinates "It's wrong, it's not supposed to look like that. The inner city was completely differently constructed. Where did you get those plans?"  
"Those are aerial photographs" Jack replied.

"But look at that, will you?" asked the Doctor as Jack leaned closer "It's the Thames and all but the City of London... it's different, right? And it spells..."  
"It says 'Londinium' on the small map" Jack said before whispering into the Doctor's ear "And I'm really appreciating that you have neither shouted at me nor slapped in the face today. You're really pulling yourself together."  
The Doctor chuckled quietly "I'm only doing it for you."

"London was called Londinium under Roman rule until the fifth century" Ash said at which point both Jack and the Doctor turned to face him "It was the major commercial centre in Roman Britain."

"So what's that supposed to mean?" Jack asked.  
"It's a sign of a structural reality alteration" the Doctor explained before darting a death-glare at Ash who had dared to roll his eyes. "The Master is trying to change our world as we know it. The City of London isn't just spelled Londinium on the map it has become Londinium by now. It's like a piece of a big jigsaw puzzle. And you don't even have to complete it piece by piece; the last bits will simply give in under the pressure and assimilate."  
"So it's like a premonition" Jack ventured.  
"No, it's a sign that it has already started and will get worse by the day" the Doctor retorted.  
"And this is why I'm glad to have you on the team" Jack mumbled sarcastically "You're always optimistic."  
The Doctor kissed him on the cheek "But I'm the one who'll save your ass in the long run so stop complaining."

The Doctor adjusted the papers before brushing past Jack "I need to have a look at the TARDIS and I won't be back until lunch break."  
"You seldom have lunch" Jack pointed out while giving the Doctor a smack on the bottom before he escaped his range "And you seldom eat at all."  
"I'm entitled to have a lunch break and I'll keep it, thank you very much" chuckled the Doctor.  
"Oh and Doctor" Jack shouted after the Doctor who turned on his heel and peeked back into the room "Thanks for caring about my ass."  
The Doctor smiled warmly at Jack. "It's a nice ass actually. It would be a loss to mankind."  
Behind him Jack heard the sound of a pencil snapping between Ash's fingers.

"You can't keep your hands off him, can you?" snarled Ash after the Doctor had left.  
"It was an amicable pat, nothing to be worried about" Jack tried to appease him as he went back to his writing desk.  
"You do realize we're married?" Ash added visibly annoyed.  
"It didn't mean anything to me, alright?" Jack replied.  
"I know that you're lying" Ash went on glumly "But that's the trouble with you human beings from the fifty-first century, isn't it? You're over-sexed and underfucked. And you don't know when to stop."

"Just admit that you're jealous" Jack chuckled quietly. He enjoyed this much more than he should have and he knew it. But right now it was so good to see Ash exasperated. "And we can't help the way we're made. The Doctor knows that."He met Ash's death-glare before adding "But don't think that he's not enjoying my company. We go way back. Don't even dream of comparing your fake life with what I've had with the Doctor."  
"I don't have to compete with you" Ash snorted "And stop raising your hopes. If he had wanted to come back to you he would have done that a long time ago. And that's that, alright?"

Jack merely nudged Ash in the ribs as he pushed past him.  
But he was too angry to think straight.  
And he was too annoyed because he knew that Ash's words hurt because they were true.

-ΘΣ-

"Seska!"  
Seska lifted his head and gently retrieved the rat-like creature from James' hands. He shoved it inside a biscuit tin just in time before the door was pushed open by the Doctor.  
"There's a girl at the door who wants to pick you up... Are you going out on a date?"

Seska breathed in deeply before he rushed over to his room, slamming the door behind him.  
"You never said anything about a date" the Doctor went on in front of his room "Who is this girl? Where did you meet her?"  
"At the park" Seska replied before he could have stopped himself.  
"And you told her where you lived?" the Doctor inquired.

"Look, father..." The Doctor stared at Seska with folded arms. He'd managed to get changed and unlock the door even before the Doctor would have noticed it.  
You can't take the Time Lord out of the human, the Doctor thought quietly.

"Green is a well-bred girl, she's courteous and has already treated me to a cup of tea. I know that I can trust her because... I just know it. Her personal charisma is radiating reliability. And I'd like to ask for your permission to go out with her."  
Seska evaded the Doctor's gaze and yet he felt as though he was crushing underneath it.  
"You don't know if..." the Doctor began but was cut short by Seska repeating "I trust her."

It felt like minutes in which the Doctor held his breath before eventually sighing.  
"You're home at midnight or I'll come complaining to her parents" the Doctor said sternly and in a voice which Seska knew he had to obey.  
He nodded quietly.  
"And now off you go, it's impolite to keep a girl waiting."

The Doctor had tried to smile at Seska as he left. But he felt fear creeping over him even before he'd closed the door.

"What's wrong?"  
The Doctor looked up from the kitchen table, realizing that the tea in front of him had stopped steaming minutes ago. Ash gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder.  
"Seska went out." He mumbled quietly.  
"So what?" Ash asked "He's almost seventeen, it's just normal for his age."  
"He's a Time Lord" the Doctor went on, his chin resting in his hands. He blinked wearily. "It's not normal for him."  
"Are all Time Lords late bloomers?" Ash asked while he caressed the Doctor's back.  
"Are you trying to get on my nerves?" the Doctor snarled while turning around.  
"I wished you'd stop being nervous."  
"I'm not nervous" snapped the Doctor.  
"Try telling that to the four smashed cups on the floor" sighed Ash.  
"Look, I'm just concerned, that's all. I don't know who that girl is, I don't know what she wants. What if the Master sent her? What if she's a honey trap?"

Ash considered this for a moment before shaking his head.  
"No, he could do better than that."  
"But you can't be sure!" snapped the Doctor.  
"You can never be sure, that's life for you" Ash explained. He embraced the Doctor, letting him sink into his arms as he whispered:  
"I know how much you care for Seska. And I know that you're scared. But you're hemming him in and that's very unsettling for him. How should he ever grow up leading a normal life if you keep cornering him?"

He won't, the Doctor wanted to reply, because the Master will take him from me like he took anything that was dear to me. He felt tears welling up in his eyes.  
"Please, Doctor" Ash whispered "Please stop to worry. It's just one night out. And you know how well Seska can handle things on his own."

The Doctor nodded forlornly. Ash kissed him on the cheeks, wiping away his tears.  
"Can I treat you to dinner?" Ash mumbled between kisses.  
The Doctor tried to cheer up: "Only if you don't cook."

-ΘΣ-

Seska sat in silence opposite to Green in a cafe at the mall.  
He didn't know how he'd ended up here; it hadn't felt as though any time at all had passed. The whole evening had been just one never-ending moment of embarrassment.

It hadn't been bad. Not extremely bad at least.  
Green had picked him up to watch a movie at the mall. And Seska had tried to ignore the red sports car that had permanently tailgated them.  
And he'd dreaded the moment they had gotten out of the car.  
But _he_ hadn't been there. No one had been following him so far...

And then things had changed from bad to worse; though he didn't blame Green for it.  
Secretly Seska wished right now that he'd been confronted by the madman or that something else of the absurd events that he was used to call 'everyday life' had occurred.  
But just sitting there with her... and feeling himself blushing all the time...

Seska felt ashamed for reading Green's thoughts. And he couldn't help it. He just... sensed it. Like a thread, wrapped around her mind, leading him into her innermost thoughts. And he always knew what she was going to say next...

"I'm sorry..."  
"It's not your fault... You hardly know me, no wonder my interests elude you. And it wasn't the _wrong movie_. It was... something I hadn't expected." Seska smiled briefly while searching Green's gaze. "I'm very fond of finding out more about you."  
"How did you...?" Green gave it another try.  
"I just _know_" Seska replied wearily. He felt caught and felt embarrassed; mostly because he was caught feeling embarrassed.  
Why wasn't it possible to just talk to a girl? Why had all those glands and urges to interfere?  
Why couldn't he just look at her?

"Well it was a nice evening..." Green said quietly while caressing his hands fondly.  
"Yes it was" Seska cut her short. He dreaded what would come next. He'd sensed it inside of her...  
Hope.  
She was hoping that he wouldn't turn down her request.  
And she lifted her gaze to lock eyes with him. And Seska blushed as she realized that he was skimming through her thoughts again.

"Can't you just...?" Green began.  
"I'm sorry" Seska replied and meant it "But why don't you... just speak your mind?"  
"You can read it after all" Green snapped. She stroked his fingers. She was nervous. And Seska felt drowned in a stimulus satiation.

"But it's not the same" he added eventually. "Look, I'm sorry for making your life complicated."  
"Me too" Green replied in an instant. Seska felt the twitching in his fingers again.  
They both stared at the table's wood grain as though they'd be asked questions about it later on.  
And the silence was broken by a cascade of words, bouncing back and forth between the two of them.

"Sorry for falling asleep during the movie."  
"Sorry for not taking any decisions."  
"No, _I'm_ sorry for taking the wrong decision."  
"I'm sorry for being so quiet on the way here."  
"Sorry for the near death experience due to my driving skills" Green went on.  
"Sorry for grabbing your hand while you were shifting gears."

"I actually found that really sweet" Green replied while they were snapping out of their uncertainty.  
"I know" Seska replied before adding meekly. "And sorry for reading your thoughts again"  
He tried to smile but flushed.

What is it?, he asked himself. What is it that makes it impossible to speak my mind, to just speak my thoughts? Well, he summarized bitterly, he didn't think _at all._ His mind seemed...clouded. But not in the every-day cloudiness. It was occupied by unfamiliar sensations... by urges and desires and... hope.

Seska snapped back into reality as Green's warm fingers were placed on top of his own. As he searched her gaze he found her looking at him, _really_ looking at him, for the first time.

The cosy-warm silence that flowed in with it was disrupted as Green spoke softly:  
"Thank you. Thanks for all of this." Seska found himself baffled by her simple and yet strong words.

By invading her thoughts, while hoping that it would be the last time, Seska learned that she was going to unbosom herself to him (quite literally actually). He felt her thoughts, seared through her veins with the rushing blood, he felt it, felt all of it that was her, all of it that was hers but should belong to him, all that she would unravel and present of her.  
And he didn't only flush but felt the blood rushing down into his pelvic area, felt the sparks in the air, felt the world slowing down, becoming darker but with a comforting undertone.

Just him and her.  
He leaned closer, grasping Green's hands, feeling her both on the outside, her tender and warms skin, sucking in her beguiling albeit sweetly neurotic scent, and the inside, rushing with her feelings, feeling every moment, every second of her mind, flowing through her body until they'd explode in a colourful explosion of overwhelming desire.

Seska grabbed her shoulders, sealing her lips with a fervently kiss.

And he felt more alive than he'd ever felt before.

[...Of one who dared to cast a spell

Of cultures caught in constant hell,

Blue boxes filled with mystery

Of soldiers and their armory…]


End file.
